Holy Crap!

 Holy crap, it's been a year since I blogged. A ton has happened in my life that about tore me down all the way.

Last September I was admitted to the hospital because I couldn't breathe. With asthma and the beginnings of COPD I thought I just smoked too much that day. Well, now that my doctors looked at my x-rays last month they believe I had a mild case of covid-19. I stayed two nights in the hospital and have nebulizer treatments every four hours, massive IV antibiotics and pain killers. Right now I am down from 30-40 cigarettes a day to maybe 3 a week. I have been taking Chantix. I started in the middle of July. I can breathe better and I don't pant climbing the stairs (unless it's an anxiety attack).

Last August my son turned 22 and we had a wonderful dinner together. This is one of the few pictures I have with both my kids in it since 2014.

Austin & Alexia 8-27-2019

In December my baby girl turned 18 and got her 1st tattoo. Since she's afraid of needles I thought she wouldn't go through with it but she did and it turned out great.

Then in February I had an MRI and biopsy on my breasts. I also took the DNA test for all the hereditary cancers they can screen for. Lymph node had no sign of cancer and my DNA tests came back negative for all of them!

In June my baby girl graduated from High School! I am so proud of her. She made it even with her life falling apart (her words) from boy issues and loss of prom. If you notice the score board says 2020 all over. Thanks Voss Studio for the ceremony pictures.

July 7th my newest grandbaby was born healthy. Zaiden is so precious and he looks so much like his daddy did. I'm proud of the father my son has become. He has no problems with changing diapers.

Now it's almost October and I'm doing good, well good for me. I have been a bit depressed and my anxiety is high when I have to leave my apartment. I don't want to get sick and mask wearers around here, well not many. I don't care if they wear them or not but if they don't why do they have to brush up against me to grab something off the shelf?

My shrink and I have played with my medications a bit. I have stopped two of them and haven't seen a change in my rage or me throwing stuff (or not throwing stuff).

In the next month I'll be planning out my story for NaNoWriMo in November. I will be writing the 1st book in a new series that will be called "Theragrot Security". Yes it'll be shifters like the current series I'm working on but different. There will be no ancient ones. The oldest will be 500 years old if that.

I had to take a break from my current series because my characters want to bring someone back from the dead  (there were just hiding).

There you go, all caught up on my strange and crazy life.

It's Been Months

This will be short today; I'll just be updating a few things.

Breast Health:

I had my follow up mammogram and everything is great. After the biopsy all of the fluid cysts have seemed to disappear. There is NO trace they were even there. The DNA test for all kinds of hereditary cancers were NEGATIVE! I will now be back to every 6 months for mammograms until 2021. After that It'll be every 2 years if things stay good.

Mental Health:

My anxiety has been better since the downstairs neighbor passed away and her kids moved. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. Another neighbor that caused some of my anxiety has also moved. I'm able to get my mail more than I used to.
My bipolar is still under control and no rage episodes for a few months.
My depression has been on and off. Like anyone else I have those ups and downs but I'm able to cope for now.
PTSD night terrors have settled down a bit. They appear at least three times a week instead of every night.
OCD is causing some anxiety. With the depressive days I can't seem to clean. I have been getting some if not all the dishes done which is one of the hardest things for me to do.

New medical conditions:

COPD has hit. I had a major flare up the 1st of the month. A 36 hour hospital stay, 4 nebulizer treatments every day until yesterday (now twice a day), steroids and new twice a day inhaler. My second follow up Monday was great. I'm back to 97% oxygen stats. I have also cut back on smoking big time. I was at about 35 cigarettes a day, now it's about 8 a day. Steroids were finished a few days ago. I seem to be better but I am keeping track of my breathing and adding 30 minutes of meditation breathing every day.

Other News:

Kiddo-1 has been a great help. After several months of ignoring me he has called twice a week and brought his new girlfriend over the other day. I even got to spend his birthday (22nd) with him for dinner. 

Kiddo-2 has been frustrating. She's back to not wanting to go to school again. I took her to her therapist in hopes that would get her to go only to find out she skipped yesterday. At 17 she is still getting good grades I just wish she'd get her butt to school. Planning Homecoming is happening as well as the Winter Formal. If you don't have or haven't had a teenage girl, trust me dress shopping is the worst. Trying on 15 dresses for both trips sucked.

I have started planning my NaNoWriMo 2019 project. I'm excited since it is the beginning of a new series. I have completed book 1 of my 1st series and hoping to publish in 2020. The 2nd-4th books are planned. I'm finishing up the 1st draft of the second and restarting the 3rd. The 4th is planned and even the 5th has started popping into my head.

I think that's it. Tell me about your health and adulting in the comments. I love seeing it all.

How Mental Health Effect My Days!

WARNING! This post may trigger those who have been abused.

This post will be totally scrambled due to a mini manic episode.

Depression- I can just sit in my chair ad stare at the computer screen, watching Hulu or Netflix. I can want to sleep all day (20hrs a day). I don't write, read or clean. I feel like a failure for not acting like an adult.
TRIGGERS- Seeing my place dirty, trouble paying bills, someone telling me I'm lazy and a few I can't remember what.

Anxiety- This is a tough one to explain. I shake, have trouble breathing, my heart-rate jumps, I have cold & clammy sweats, and afterwards I want to sleep for hours.
TRIGGERS- People, shopping, paying bills, kids screaming and leaving my apartment. Basically anything that means leaving, even getting the mail.

Manic States- I have 2 different kinds. First, massive cleaning spree without stopping. Second, I watch a series on Hulu or Netflix non-stop, read entire book series, write for hours (10-15).
TRIGGERS- The 1st manic state is triggered by unknown reasons. I have found that if I take Trazodone the next day I clean non-stop. The 2nd is caused by a long depression (2 weeks to 1 month) and some triggers I haven't found yet.

PTSD- I know it causes my night-terrors, jumpiness to doors slamming, and fear of someone breaking in. This is caused by the physical, sexual, mental and psychological abuse I endured from my mother's 1st husband.

I'll now explain what causes my PTSD...
My mom married her 1st husband when I was 6. They had dated since I was 3. The earliest thing that I now known is signs of abuse was being scared to be left alone with him. I remember one time my mom was taking my babysitter to the store and I had a temper tantrum, and hid in the car. I still had to stay home. Another is I could get out of being grounded by giving him a back-rub. Department of Human Services investigated the abuse but since mom didn't see it and he lied they dismissed the case. They were called in because I knew how to masturbate. Then it became him calling me all kinds of names (bitch, slut, cunt, stupid, idiot). I blocked out the sexual abuse until after I was 25 years old. He threw me through a double pane window when I was 13.
Now you're asking where my mom was. Well,  she thought that no man would want her since she had me out of wedlock. She was 18 when she had me and was raised Roman Catholic. In here mind my step-father was her only choice and she defended him at every turn.

I am the opposite, I refuse to NEED a man for anything, maybe not all the time. My boyfriend offers to help with bills and stuff but I refuse and ask for a massage instead.

This post is the first time I have told my story to more than a few friends and my mental health providers.

Long Time No See!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. I know I was to do Indie Author blog posts every week but, my health has been an issue.
I'll run it down short and sweet.
I had my mammogram as I do every year. They sent me for an ultrasound, then to a breast specialist. Breast specialist did an ultrasound and sent me for an MRI. Now on Tuesday I will be going in under anesthesia for a biopsy of my lymph node under my left arm. This is freaking me out. I'm 44, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 36 in her let breast and lymph nodes. At 44 it returned and at 47 she died. My anxiety has been horrible and my moods are all over the place. I'm lacking focus. All I keep thinking about is not making it to see my baby graduate next year and what is going to happen to her and my 21 year old son. Then of course I think about the doctor telling me that I will NEED to where a supportive bra after surgery. NO! I only have 1 and I barely wear it, plus it will rub right where they are going to cut me open. After I was told about the surgery, I received a letter reminding me it's time for my colonoscopy. I've had polyps removed in the past. One more health issue to cause anxiety.
Now my son is another issue going on. I haven't heard from him since December. No call or text for Christmas, my birthday or even Mother's Day.

On the good side of things. My daughter has a job, she'd 17 if you keep track, my grandbabies, Arya and Aiden are now 4 and having Nama, me, read Harry Potter most nights on Skype. Though Dr. Seuss has came into the picture a few nights over the last 2 weeks. And yes they know when I skip a word in any book. They can read Harry Potter by themselves but want me to read it cause I make the different voices. No they have not seen the movies. Their dads haven't introduced them to electronics yet, except for "Bear in the Big Blue House" DVDs I bought them. 2 hours a week watching. Their nannies take them to the park, museums, botanical garden and on Tuesdays they go to a nursing home and play with the elderly. I am so proud of their dads and of them. I just wished I lived closer but I'm glad their is Skype.

Okay enough of my complaining and sad news. I'll try and update you all soon.

Indie Author of the Week

Leigh M. Lorien

The Haunting of Killian McKay

Synopsis:
"In an effort to reinvigorate the paranormal investigation genre -- and  his career -- Killian McKay makes the decision to livestream a ghost  hunt in the house where he had his first supernatural encounter as a  kid. To make sure things get interesting, he hires a witch to stir up  the spirits in the house.

When the witch, Lady Ivana, turns out  to be a handsome, muscular, genderfluid man named Ivan, Killian quickly  realizes he underestimated just how interesting things can get.

Ivan  is the real deal, a witch with herbs and spells and magic, and he knows  more about ghosts than Killian ever hoped to learn. Killian wants to  know everything Ivan knows, and he wants to know everything about Ivan  ... but first, they have to survive the night."


Purchase:
Amazon
Publisher
(Authors get a bigger cut when you buy directly from the publisher.)

Follow Leigh on social media
Website
Twitter
Goodreads


*This is a promotion I gain no compensation for.

Is It Still January?

I am amazed it is still January. For some reason it feels like this month is going fast when it's not. It could be because I have had a week of good days.

MEDICAL:
I found out I have to take an extra inhaler so I can keep the bronchitis and pneumonia away. Then they added prednisone to the mix. I now take 11 pills in the morning and 8 at night. I really wanted to get off more meds but I guess it'll take longer to do that.
Kiddo-2 came home last weekend and cleaned the house. Yes, the whole house. I have kept up with the cleaning too. I cooked homemade chicken-n-dumplings and chicken-noodle soup.  That fed us for 5 days all together and you can't even tell I cooked when looking at my kitchen. Everything is cleaned up. PREDNISONE at it's best. I also have had to return to the chiropractor due to the pain in my shoulders and hips. I lasted 8 months without going. I think the weather change has caused it. By Tuesday I'll be back to normal, I hope.

WEATHER:
With a "white shit that falls from the sky" storm coming into my area tomorrow I had to stock up on a few things to make it with less anxiety. I grabbed soda, milk, eggs, bread, a steak, veggies, salad stuff, ice cream, snacks, fish and a frozen pizza.

 Frig is completely full, freezer is almost full. hen I have all my writing snacks ready to go for my marathon writing days. Should be about 2 full days of words. For me this shopping trip was not normal. I usually don't buy snacks or frozen food stuff. I bet you are wondering what meals I'll be making... Beef fajitas, tacos, steak, salads, pizza and ice cream.

WRITING:
With 4-8 inches of white crap supposedly going to fall, staying warm, munching and writing is what I really need to do. I really want to get beyond 65k words on CoT2. If I can do that I can finish it before CampNaNoWriMo April.
UPDATE: CoT-1 has been handed over to a few friends to read. Then I should only have 2 round of edits left.

I have all of January's Indie Author of the Week posts done. One for February is also done. Now you just have to wait until Saturdays.


*Happy Writing & Happy Reading*

News Years Day 2019!

2018 has ended and 2019 has begun. Many of us are looking back at what we accomplished in 2018 and what we want to accomplish in 2019. I'm no different, I have been looking back and to the future.

In 2018 I accomplished more than I thought I would with my writing. I finished CoT-1 and CoT-1.5. Two rounds of edits on CoT-1 and have several people reading it now. Letting others read my work was scary and I'm still very anxious to get their feedback. My shrink has read both I completed and she loves them, but she may just be telling me that to make me feel good. I have found a permanent title to my series, it will be Chronicles of Thamesonville. I have won both CampNaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo 2018. My 13 year old neighbor girl won her NaNoWriMo through the Young Writers Program with encouragement from me. I think her winning made me feel more proud of her than myself.
I also completed my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2018. 85 books in 365 days was more than I thought I'd get read with my mental acting up again.

I have found a way to connect with my daughter and she has opened up about everything. Being 17 now, it is not something I expected.

In 2019 I hope to complete the following:
1. Publish CoT-1
2. Write CoT-2 (started at 12:15am 1-1-2019) & CoT-4
3. Draw a map for CoT
4. Start a new series
5. Continue fighting for disability
6. Eat healthier-though salads every day already
7. Keep up with blog posts. Will talk about that later in this post.
8. Try and get outside more
9. Win NaNoWriMo 2019 & CampNaNo 2019 (both)
It doesn't seem like much to most people but you have to remember writing can take forever. CoT-1 took 6 years to get it to where it is. Add in the pressure of both CampNaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo itself, writing is stressful.

New blog posts coming every week: 
"Indie Author of the Week"
I will be choosing independent (indie) authors who self publish or publish through a small company to promote. I will not receive compensation or free swag from any of them.
After Cockygate I found many new indie authors and I now wish to spread the word of others. I shall not be reading ALL of the books but using their websites, Goodreads and sale sites to gather information to pass along to you. Many of these authors have been recommended to me by friends and fellow authors. If you have any indie authors you wish to be featured post links to author website in the comments.

Just What I Need to Track a Timeline

Many writers have to double and triple check to make sure the timeline is correct for all events in a single book or especially a series. I have tried many timeline software programs and have found that Aeon Timeline suits my needs the best. I know I have mentioned it and even shared information on it before, but this time I'm going to talk only about Aeon and how many things work.
When you go to open up a new project you get a screen that has many options including; Fiction, Basic, Project Management, Legal, Daily, Historical, Numberline.

I have only used the fiction. In the fiction setup you can change fix the beginning to end times, Number & name of months, number & name of days and how many hours in a day. This is great for world building. Below are examples of these.

 As you can see, it has great customization features. For those that World Build, you have the ability to create your own times and adjust the names to go along with your stories.

 Here is where you change the skin and set up what you want to show in the inspector. It's really easy to set up and use. You can always go in and change everything if you want it different after awhile.
Managing the Entities is simply.         
 On the left you see the timeline settings. Here you can add and delete Arcs and persons (entities). You can change the colors if you wish. 

Below you can see under "Manage Entities" is where you see, add and change your "Arcs" and "Person". When creating a character, make sure you set up an "Event" for birth and link it in the this section so you can keep track of age and use the participation & observer function. 

To add an event you just fill in this simple form and click add event. As you can see here is where you can add participants and observers. You can always add them later is you're not sure yet. Here is the place to set the duration of the event. I have several that last days and some that last just a few hours. Setting what time it starts it will automatically set the end time at the start time. This is what I usually do as long as I add a time.  The title can be whatever you want, the color is whatever you have chosen for the project, I have several for my series. Leave "Parent" alone until you learn more about it. I haven't figured out a way to use it

with my situation, so I don't. Clicking on "Arc" you can place the event in any "Arc" you have set up. 

Once you have it all set up and "Events" in place your "Timeline View" will look something like this in the light skin:

Here is what it looks like in the dark skin I usually use.

 You can see all the different Arcs on the left. The color lines & dots show the Arcs in my "Global"arc. At the bottom you see the different colors I have chosen for my arcs names. I did that under "Settings" and "Colors". It helps me keep track of the arcs. Now I don't use arcs the way many others do, I use them for each book in the series.  So, you can see here I have four books in the works and the "Global" one that shows everything, last I have births & deaths.

There is a great feature I love and that's the "Relationship" view. If you look below you can see that the arcs or for me books are listed to the left, then you have the events. Looking to the top right you see names, character names that is. Now, look down from those names and you can see the participants and observers. Look even closer and you can see their ages at the time of the event.

A closer look at the left side also shows you the time between events. Like this...

There you have it, my experience with Aeon Timeline. There are youtube videos on how to use Aeon but I found them to be too simple. Feel free to contact me on Twitter ( @jesdeh2o) if you have questions. I will always try and help. 

HAPPY WRITING!

What Time Is It? NANO Time!

Ahh! November is almost here. The one month that gives me great joy and great sadness. Sadness is due to the fact my mom will have been gone for 15 years this year. The great joy is what this post is all about.

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is a non-profit.
Their Mission Statement
National Novel Writing Month believes in the transformational power of creativity. We provide the structure, community, and encouragement to help people find their voices, achieve creative goals, and build new worlds—on and off the page. -(from their site).
If you wish to help support NaNoWriMo your donations are tax deductible. Donate here.

What is NaNoWriMo all about?
Well, the best way I can describe it is, you write 50,000 words in 30 days. You think it sounds really hard, it is sometimes. For me it's a breeze. Yes, that's right, I have finished every year and the last 3 I have hit 50k in 13 days.

On many social medias you may have seen "Prep-tober" This is related to NaNoWriMo. Prep-tober is October for us Wrimos (NaNoWriMo participants). Prep-tober means a month long planning, outlining, plotting, researching and pulling our hair out month.

I plan meals and snacks more than anything else. I don't outline in a traditional way, my plots are usually thought out months if not years before. So, what do I plan for meals & snacks? At least 20 crock pot freezer meals, recipes can be found on my Pinterest, click on the link to the left. I stock up on Halloween candy all of October, make rice krispy treats, puppy chow, brownies and ranch oyster cracker. In October, I make a bunch of cookie dough and freeze it in balls so I just pull them out and pop them in the oven.
As for my outlines, I said I don't do them in the traditional manner but I sort of outline. I use Aeon Timeline to get the event in order. With it I can even have the event timed out, as in it lasted years, 3 hours or 12 seconds. This helps when I'm doing 2 point of views (POV). It is also what I keep all my events for the series in. Each series has it's own file. If I didn't have Aeon I'd never get anything in the correct order. Between books events happen and I can look and say "She did that months ago." if it is brought up in a future novel.
This is what mine looks like.

Yep, that's my outline stuff... Now, what do I use to write? Scrivener! It has everything I need, no hopping over to another window or screen. I keep my inspiration photos, notes, names, rules, definitions, etc. No need for individual programs for it all. They say it's a typewriter, scrapbook and ring-binder all in one. Take a look for yourself...

You can see on the left is my binder , the middle is my writing space and the right is my scrapbook... Yep just like their website says. I used to use Microsoft Word but after trying Scrivener 5 years ago, I can't go back to it.
I bet you wonder what I do when I have an "ah ha" moments, well I carry pen and paper everywhere.

The last week of October is my "try not to write" week. With all the preparation I do it's really though not to. My brain keeps saying "WRITE!" when I can't. On November 1st my manic state will kick in and I will write starting at midnight.

This year my 13 yr old neighbor girl is joining me NaNo through the Young Writers Program. It's for all kids under 18 years old. This year she asked about it and we got her started. I am amazed how into it she is. Asking all the right questions and she has more planned out than I do. I love seeing young ones get excited they was she has.

SO, what are you doing this October? What's planned for November?

The Cocky Story

I was not going to post about this but I feel I need to. If you haven't heard of #cockygate here is a rundown.

An indie author, Faleena Hopkins, has published many books (19 if I read Amazon correctly) in a series. Which was originally named "The Cocker Brothers of Georgia" and "The Cocker Brothers of Atlanta". As you can see below. You can find the original here.  Every book TITLE has the word "cocky" in it, not the series name. These are the 1st eight books in the series.

Ms. Hopkins has had the "Cocker Brothers" series out to read since June 16th 2016 when she released "Cocky Roomie". The last one in the "Cocker Brothers" is book 19, "Cocky Mother's Day: A Holiday Novella". That was released on May 12th, 2018. If you compare the covers from the above photo to the following, you will see that the title hasn't changed on the cover just the listing.

On April 17th 2018 the Trademark office granted Ms.Hopkins a trademark for the single word

"cocky", in a romance title, romance series and the stylized or font of the word as well. As it has been mentioned on Twitter the font is owned by Set Sail Studios. In the purchase contract (as far as I understand) states you can not trademark it.

Why is this all important?

Trademarking a single word that is a descriptive word will set a precedence for all future trademarks. Lets say I trademark the word "and" in the any genre of books, that would mean no one could use it. Soon, there would be no words left to title a book. It would not have been a big deal if Ms.Hopkins only trademarked "The Cocker Brothers" as a whole. A three word series title probably would not have stirred up so much trouble.
If the trademark does hold soon movies and songs and even names would be up for trade marks. Someone posted on Twitter (I'm paraphrasing) "If the word Star had been trademarked then we wouldn't have "Star Wars" Add to the, "Stargate", "Stargate SG1", excreta.
The precedence would begin to eliminate every word that is in the dictionary. The word "cocky" has been around since 1800 circa.  No one can forbid someone else from using a word that has been used for centuries. Now if it's a completely made-up word then MAYBE. I repeat MAYBE.

Next...

A few authors received cease and desist letter though e-mail. Jamila Jasper (Twitter @JamilaJasper ) shared hers on Twitter. Here's what it looked like.

If you read it you can see there is no way any lawyer would suggest or allow their client to send something like this out. My favorite part is "win all the monies" Do you know how much it would cost to re-brand, re-cover and order all new swag? It's a lot. Just think, one book cover could cost $200-$2000 depending on the quality. Indie authors don't make tons of money. Many have full time jobs and families to care for and writing is a hobby.
On May 7th Tara Crescent received a notice from Amazon telling her that her "Cocky" books were being pulled due to the trademark that Ms.Hopkins was given.

RWA (Romance Writers of America) got involved and Amazon decided to wait until the trademark issue was resolved to pull books. Tara's books were back up in a few days.
Meanwhile, Kevin Kneupper (Twitter @kneupperwriter) a retired lawyer now author came out of retirement. He filed a Petition of Cancellation for the "cocky" trademarks on May 7th 2018. You can read the entire petition thanks to Kevin. READ PETITION NOW

Shortly after that Ms.Hokpins decided it would be a good idea to Facebook live a 1:42:00 video. In it she plays the victim. You can watch it here, The Rant. Shortly after she pulled it from Facebook, then proceeded to have youtube to remove all copies of it. Did she not understand that once you post something on the internet it is there forever? If you watch it be prepared for long dramatic pauses throughout.
After the rant many authors posted their own thoughts on youtube. Here are a few I personal watched. YES, there are many links here.

Bianca Sommerland:
Cocky Copyright by Faleena Hopkins
Cocky Continued
Trademark Trolls and the Cocky Rebellion (And yes, I'll comment on the rant)
#COCKYGATE NEW LOW-Faleena Hopkins

Jessica Fry

Response and Open Letter to Faleena Hopkins #CockyGate

Elizabeth York

Let's Talk

Hanleigh Bradley

Thoughts On COCKYGATE

Sasha White

Trademark Cocky, and more

#CockyGate Update

More Cockyness from Faleena Hopkins, and news on the #CockyGate battle

Cocky bits, and Kindle Worlds :(Rumour has It)

#CockyGate author pisses off everyone with a new low

Some of those links are on topics I'll get to next. 

Ms.Hopkins reasons for filing the trademarks were"to protect her brand & so her readers don't continue to buy books with similar titles" (paraphrased that). 

Now in the last 14 days Ms. Hopkins filed a SLAPP temporary restraining order(TRO) on Kevin Kneupper to get him to stop the trademark challenge, Tara Crescent to take down her books to re-title them and Jennifer Watson on infringement of trademark "cocky" having to do with the "Cocktale Anthology"

Kevin Kneupper's part was dismissed and allowed to continue with the trademark challenge. Watson and Crescent still have a long road ahead. Though the TRO has been denied. You can read the court record of the hearing on June 1st 2018 thanks to Courtney Milan who paid for it. Court Doc.
After reading through the court record I looked around to see what else Ms.Hopkins has not put "cocky" in her series title. This is something that she said was easy to change yet she hasn't done it herself.

LOOK! "The Cocker Brothers"







My take on all this as an unpublished author that plans to help-publish is this is a cry for attention. The majority of readers had no clue who she was when this all started. I read all kinds of romance and I never even came across her name. So, it's a publicity stunt or not. I'd say probably. Once #cockygate quieted down she took people to court. Yep, once again I think she needed more attention, or at least she thought she did.


This has been a rough post for me. Too much information to fact check, which I did. I would like to state that in no way shape or form is the title of my post about a prowess male or even female. All pictures were published publicly and I claim no rights to them. All "The Cocker Brothers" photos are from Faleena Hokins' own sites. In no way do I wish to harass or harm anyone with this post.

Thanks for bearing with me in all that I stated. In the next few days I'll be posting all the wonderful authors I have found and met because of #cockygate.

It's That Time Again

I finally finished Dalara a few weeks ago. My beta readers have it. I also completed the novella that come after it. Yes, I've been busy. The novella needs a few changes but will be off to the beta readers soon. You would not believe the feeling I got when I finished. I was excited and jumping up and down for a few minutes. Then I dove into the novella, Tasmina. The the anxiety hit, I really sent Dalara off to others. Someone is reading it and OMG! What if they hate it and I suck? So, I decided to get ready for CampNaNoWriMo, takes place in April. With CampNaNo, I can work on current projects or new ones, unlike NaNoWriMo in November. I have completed transferring over the information from Tasmina over to Naleena. I do this so I can keep track of character changes and places added. It's so simple with Scrivener. All I have to do is drag and drop from one project to another. Then I set up a new parent group on Aeon Timeline. For this all I had to do was a few clicks and some words. With Aeon I have all the projects of the series  there, as you can see here.

You can see that each story of assumed story is lined up in order of when I think they should happen. I will probably change them around or change who is involved with those after Naleena. Each event that I write about will get placed in as below shows for Dalara.

I have a few notes written out and ready to go but this is what my desktop looks like.

 

Now I just need words on the page. Remember to sign up for CampNaNo during March. I usually do it around the 7th.

I support all third party software and apps I share but am not compensated for sharing or reviewing them.

It's February!

As we enter into the second month of 2018, I'm looking at what is to be done. Being bipolar with anxiety and arthritis this month sucks. January I completed only a few tasks out of 25. I managed to read A book, cook meals, kept up with dishes and folded laundry when it was brought home. Things I didn't get done that NEEDED to be done: read 5 books, write every day, lose 2 pounds, cut back on soda, drink more water, cut down on smoking and staying calm when kiddo-2 acts out.

I know what you are thinking, I wanted to do more than I should have. Though I think all were reasonable. I'm not too upset I didn't complete January's to do list. This month will be better I hope.

Mental Issues
1. I went to therapy and just bitched about kiddo-2's behavior. Mainly the fact that when I try to remove myself from the situation she follows me, even outside. Therapist had no ideas for me, as usual.
2. I saw my shrink. We decided that I could go 2 months between visits rather than 1. I was also given the go ahead to wean myself off the primidone. That means dropping from every night to every other night for 2 weeks then off them completely. As I have said before my shrink has the confidence in me to control my meds myself. I tried to go off  keppra, but that didn't work well. That means I am staying on it. So far the primidone cut hasn't given me trouble.
3. I managed to socialize with my neighbor, lets call her P. P had an incident that I know will effect her forever. I went through it a long time ago. We hadn't talked much other than the hello in passing. Now we talk 4-5 times a week. She has bipolar, OCD and anxiety too.
4. I made several healthy dinners and made sure there was leftovers to take to my other neighbor, the shut-in. Lets call him S. S doesn't like being around anyone and he doesn't cook other than toss it in the oven crap. I just knock, he answers and I hand him the container. That's it. I go home... walk 3 steps to my door.

Writing
I didn't even come close to me writing goals. I started Midnight Whispers over and am stuck. I tried to edit Dalara and just couldn't get into it. I had hoped to have at least 10,000 words done. Though with everything going on I understand why. When I'm stressed I can't focus and I'm trying something new with Midnight Whispers. Oh, and I've been sick for 2 months or more. Now that I'm better focus should come soon.
Here is my February goals:
1. Re-setup Scrivener for Midnight Whispers
2. Write 15,000 words of Midnight Whispers.
3. Edit at least 2 chapters of Dalara.
4. Get Inevitable Destinyz off to a beta reader & editor.
5. Research self-publishing again
6. Get Aeon Timeline set up for Midnight Whispers


Reading
I finished "When Darkness Comes"  by Alexandra Ivy. It's the 1st in her Guardians of Eternity series. I have read it several times and I love it more each time. This month I plan on reading the next 4 in the series.

Other Goals
1. Make freezer meals (Feb. 2nd & 3rd)
2. Cut down o soda
3. Drink more water
4. Keep the living room clean
5. Crochet a bit

That seems a lot but it really isn't. I know if I set my mind to them all I can get them all done. Remember, when setting goals make them small and simple. Even 1 small thing completed will make you feel better.

The New Year

Today is the first day of the new year. Many are planning on making changes in 2018 & hoping for things to change n the world. No matter what we do 2018 can be a start of something different. I have never done a New Years Resolution but this year I'm going to try.



Writing/Reading

• Write 150 words daily (2017- 250 words)
• CampNaNoWriMo - April & July 25k words each (2017 completed)
• NaNoWriMo- November 50k words (2017 completed)
• Blog at least twice a month
• Goodreads Reading Challenge 100 books (50-100 yearly & make it)

Eating Habits

• Eat healthy with more home-cooked meals (2017- too much pizza & chips)
• Cooking- Make crock-pot freezer meals every month (2017- Only 2 months)
• Drink more homemade fruit infused water (2017- drank too much soda)

Hygiene/ Mental Health

• Take showers every other day (2017- bathed every night but washed hair once a week)
• Take medication every day (2012-2017 completed) Medisafe app helps
• Keep all therapy & shrink appointments (2015-2017 completed)

Cleaning

• Do dishes every day (2017- once or twice a week)
• Vacuum once a week (2017- twice a month)
• Fold laundry when it's done (2017- folded once a month)

As you can see my goals are not to hard for normal people. I'm not normal at all. With bipolar I have a hard time doing things like housework and cleaning. Add to it that when I don't clean for a day I get anxious and have no idea where to start or I start something (like dishes) and never finish them.

Bipolar & Anxiety

I am finally ready to explain my anxiety, bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. Here goes.

Anxiety: 

My anxiety issues stems from my childhood and increased stress in my life. I am a survivor of physical, sexual and mental abuse. My step-father hurt me in more ways than any child should see let alone deal with. Physical abuse was not as brutal as the others. Yes, the mental abuse is more damaging, my opinion, than any of the others. I was never good enough, told I was a slut (at age 12 & up), I was a bitch that no one would ever want. The feeling of the unknown triggers an anxiety attack now. Not to mention being in large crowds. Crowds remind me of the tiny house we lived in when I was young and I can't breathe. I shake and get clammy. Going to the store just to get milk is hard for me. Medication has helped with this and being able to know when stores are not too busy helps as well. Going to Wal-Mart at 11pm is great, I only freak out when checking out. Another trigger for me is the day before I pay bills, can I pay all of them or not and running out of soda or smokes.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

Every person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is different. Many have to control everything and MUST maintain total cleanliness. I know a few that are always cleaning with bleach and some who just are repetitive habits like doing things in 3's. I however, am strange. My towels must be folded just right, my dishes HAVE to be done in a certain order or I can't finish them, pictures MUST be level and my frig is organized in a certain way. When my kids were little their toys were in the right place every night. They call it 'mommy clean'. Twice a year we still 'mommy clean'. That means washing everything from light switches to the walls & carpet.One therapist would turn the clock on his wall just a little before I came in and I always HAD to fix it before sitting down. If there are dead leaves on a plant I have to fix that. My OCD is manageable without medication at this time. 

Bipolar Disorder:

There are two types of bipolar disorder. I fit into type 1 more than type 2 though I could be classified as both from year to year. I rapid cycle, or switch moods often, more than 99% of bipolars. Most bipolars have days to months in a depressive mood and mania (usually hyper). I can switch from mania to depression and back in matter of an hour, sometimes less. I do what they call extreme rapid cycling. It's like a switch and for 10 years I knew my triggers. The past 3 years I've had trouble since new triggers appeared. Triggers are people, situations or emotional times that can start a depression or mania. When I'm in a manic episode I sometimes have rage issues or episodes. 

Rage episodes for me are a burst of furry and I can lash out at anyone or anything. I have punched walls, thrown things, kicked holes in the walls, screamed, yelled and swipe everything off a table or desk. The most epic rage episode was a few years before I was medicated; I punched through a 55 gallon fish tank and killed all the fish. Not a good time in my life. For over 10 years I was on a mood stabilizer and a sleep aide. The last 3 years I have had to add several more since I have new triggers and my rage got out of control last year, no I didn't hurt anyone. 

My depression episodes are the most troubling for me. I know every November I will need an increase in medication. This is due to my mom's birthday and the month she died. I usually continue the increase through December to play it safe. Other times of the year I get into a rut where I just don't do a thing except re-read books or re-watch Netflix. When it gets really bad I have neighbors come over and make me shower and eat. Some even clean my kitchen and that tends to help push me back to a better mood, not always.  

Another issue I have with my bipolar is frequent and severe migraines. Until a few years ago I had no idea that bipolar people tend to get migraines. 

Mania:

My mania episodes are different from most. I become excessively OCD, which isn't a bad thing. Some people excessively shop, have one night stands, drink, do drugs and things like that. I used to drink excessively right after my mom died. Though unlike others I know I made sure my kids were taken care of and I kept my college grades at all A's. Another person I know in a manic state can never focus on a single thing long enough to get half way through it. I have that problem maybe once a year and that's when we go into Daylight Savings Time.  I think I have learned to focus on things that are healthy or at least not self-destructive like reading a book series of 28 books in a week or write for days at a time. 

Managing My Mental Health

I see my therapist, Joyce, monthly. Basically I just tell her what has happened since the last visit or we talk about food. We both love to cook from scratch. No, not typical but it helps me at least. My therapist tried to get me to do all sorts of things, but we found what works for me. It also helps that I can call her anytime to talk if needed which I have a few times this last year. Now remember you may have to go through many therapists before you find one you like and that can help. I went through 9.

Once a month I see the PA, Jayme, that prescribes my medication. She specialized in mental health. I love her. She is only my second to medicate me for my issues, as I call them. Since I've been medicated for 16 years I know what works and what doesn't. Jayme lets me adjust my medications as I see fit, within reason. I also call her every time I make a change and tell her if she doesn't want me to let me know. Never change your medication with asking first. I know what limits I can take of everything I'm on and what Jayme will allow me to change. Like I said I always call, even if I decide not to take one of my sleeping pills just one night. It is important to communicate with the doctor that prescribes your medication. 

Keep track of all the medication I'm on for my mental health issues and other medical issues is hard. I tried the pill box, calendar check off and several apps on my phone. I finally found the perfect one, Medisafe app. It's available for Android and Apple. With this app I can set my alerts for each medication, how often, how much and can even have a setting for as needed. There are several different alert tones; Star Wars, Minions (my favorite), Baseball, Finding Nemo, South Park, Elsa and a few more. You can set it to vibrate and flash lights as well. There's a diary that you can track things in. My favorite part is the measurements, here I can track moods, pain, blood pressure, weight, temperature, pulse, pain level, blood glucose, A1C and many others. Keep track of your appointments and which doctor prescribes which medication. I also love the fact I can email all this information to myself and print it out for my doctors. I've been using Medisafe for a few years and I can look back and see how much I have improved with taking my medication and track my weight. Before I started using Medisafe, there were days I thought I took my pills and didn't. Then a few times I double dosed. I haven't done either since I started using Medisafe since I can just open the app and see which pills I took (green check mark) or missed (blue circle thing or red exclamation point). I customized the shape and color of my pills: purple, lavender and white for mental health, blue for pain pills and pink for birth control. I love being able to do that. Another extra is that my friend can get alerts if I miss a dosage. The reminders for refills is also helpful. I have mine set to go off when I have 5 pills left of those I take once a day and 10 for ones I take twice a day. The last benefit I like is the medication information. 

Writing is another way I manage everything. I started writing in 2010 and have written over 15 novels, none published. See that's where my OCD and anxiety comes in. Writing gives me the opportunity to express what isn't proper in the real world. I mainly write about shifters, vampires (non-sparkling) and witches. Yes, sex is in there a lot too. With writing I have made lots of friends on Twitter and through NaNoWriMo. 

Reading also helps me. It distracts me from whatever is troubling me or pushing my moods around. Depending on my mood issue I read erotica, paranormal-romance, and fiction with a little sex. Check out my list of favorite book series to the right.

Twitter has helped me to meet others with mental disorders as well. Support helps as well as knowing you're not alone. I have a great group of friends that help each other when we are having a bad day. 

NaNoWriMo Time!

It's that time of year! NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is almost here. I have been preparing for it for the first time, in detail that is. Here are the things I have worked on so far. The title is Midnight Whispers. The is a permanent one thanks to my Twitter friends.

Here is the logo for my main male character's business, Thegrot Security. The do a wide variety of services from home security systems to secret body guards, internet security and child recovery. 

The logo was created at Free Logo Design.

They have many vehicles but he one below is the most used. All are bullet resistant and have several features of protection. 

Yes I have done tons of prepping this year. I still can't believe I've done so much. 

Next up is Elyan's (main male character) personal vehicle and yes it's a typical guy car. Porsche 718 S.

You want to know how I found them? Well, I went to the car websites and built them. This means I customized everything and have every detail about each car. Now if I need to describe the stereo system I have it. It was kind of fun. It was easy since I'm a car girl.

On top of all that research I have done I have worked on my Scrivener. I have all the characters so far, their DOB's and a few have cars and habits. I still have far to go with their bios but that usually comes as I write. I never know what their favorite food, music, etc. until I get to know them a bit. My 2 main characters have a bit more than the supporting ones have. Adding to that I have places and their descriptions of the exterior and interior. I have the security firm, strip club, bar & grill, a popular local bar, a pizza place, the hospital where my main female character works and her apartment. I'm working on my main male character's home now.  Here's what it looks like now.

This is the first time I captured Scrivener with the inspector open. As you can see I have my main characters set as photos instead of a words. This help if I need a quick reminder of their appearance while writing. When I come across a picture I find I like for the other characters I'll do the same thing.

Another aspect of Scrivener I normally don't look at or use is the Outline section. This year for NaNoWriMo I started to and I think it helped a tiny bit. Look and see. Yes I'm sharing my outline, at least what I have so far. You also see how short my scene splits are. I use each one for a single event such as meeting, seeing or an interaction. I haven't met anyone that does it besides me, not that others don't. Each scene section can be anywhere from 500 words to 3000 words. I also split them into each character scene. Say Elyan sees Caitlyn and his emotions are described the next one could be Caitlyn feeling him watching her and her fear.

My Aeon Timeline is started as well. I have the first 2 events in it and the beginning of the species creation. All the characters are entered with dates of birth; making it easy to see their age in each event. With the places in there it helps with keeping track of where everyone goes and how much. You can see below, the ages of Elyan and Caitlyn when the events occur. 

I have finally found out how to use the length of time per event. This has been a wonderful option. I now know how long it takes a character to get home from work or how long they stay at a place. Here is an example of using the duration option. In the inspector to the right of the picture you see the options.

I thought about using Scapple with this project but I can't seem to get at it. I used it for another project but I don't think I'll use it for this one.

Another thing I'm doing for NaNoWriMo is making a menu and shopping list. Here's what I'll be making:

Beef fajitas (crock pot freezer meal)
Sweet-n-sour chicken (crock pot freezer meal)
Meatloaf
Spaghetti
Beef stew (crock pot freezer meal)
Sub sandmiches
Chicken-n-dumplings (homemade)
Flank steak (crock pot freezer meal)
Mongolian beef (crock pot freezer meal)
Tacos
Salads
Roasted veggies

Now for snackies:

Rice Krispie treats with chocolate frosting
Spinach/artichoke dip
Reese's peanut butter cups
Kit-Kats
A bunch of different chips
Chocolate chip cheese cake
Homemade cookies

So, preparing for NaNoWriMo isn't just preparing for writing. I love getting food all ready on the 3rd of the month.  I'll write all day on the 1st, grocery shop on the 2nd & prep food on the 3rd. I'll have all freezer meals done, snacks prepped and cook up taco meat & spaghetti meat. Dicing all veggies for everything... this make tacos easy, just heat up the meat and toss the pre-cut veggies on. The same go for the salads. I'll end up cutting 12 peppers (different colors), onions, tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, and anything else needed. Before you ask, yes I do this every month. It makes parenting life easy. Just pull out what you want the night before and toss it into the crock pot in the morning. Sometimes my daughter will do it both. 

If you want ideas for freezer meals search Pinterest. I have tone of them on my boards.

Prep-Tober Time!

What is prep-tober you ask. It's the October which is the month to prepare for November's NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in 30 days). This means I will be setting up my NaNo project, researching and planning all kinds of other crap. It's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which my mom died from breast cancer. So, STRESS is going to be high. Then add in kiddo-2's issues and kiddo-1 constantly getting hurt by accident (torn ACL, car accident & spraining his ankle). I'm gonna split up each issue in this post.

Prep-Tober

I have begun to get my characters in order with names, DOB's, likes, dislikes, etc. Aeon Timeline is started as well. I have the start of my species and DOB's put in as well as the start point of the story.  Next step is to set up my Scapple mind-mapping.
This story is going to be about non-sparkling vampires and shifters mixing with humans. Always fun. I'm not really sure how the species are going to mingle but they will at some point. Since I'm a pantser (non-planner), I never know where the characters will take me in the end. I know there will be certain humans that can mate and have offspring to each species. How this will happen or how they know is still lost on me.
Working title is  'Midnight Whispers'. My main characters are Abigail (human) & Elyan (vampire). Elyan owns and runs a security firm named 'Trinity Security'. His business hires only the best: shifters, military, NSA, CIA, FBI, and martial arts experts to train. Abigail is a labor & delivery nurse at the major hospital. She works 40-80 hours a week and has little time for anything outside work. Elyan becomes infatuated with Abigail. She's leery about him, of course.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 36. I was 18 and didn't know what was really happening because she hid most of it from me. I knew she was having chemo but she had no side-effects. 9 years and 9 months after she was deemed in remission it struck again. They hadn't put it in total remission, it spreed to her liver and brain. I split from my husband at the time, moved in with her, her husband and my 2 kiddos. My son was 5 and my daughter almost 1. My step-father worked, I went to school and took care of my mom's appointments and treatment. After a year, the cancer was so wide-spreed in her brain the chemo would do nothing and radiation wasn't working. Mom decided to stop treatments. Even though it killed me, I supported her choice. It only took 3 months for her to pass. I kept her home until  a few days before her birthday, which was Nov. 14th. We put her in a hospice type long term care. 2 weeks later, the day after Thanksgiving she passed. Exactly 2 weeks after her 47th birthday. 

Since I was 29 I had to wait a year before my insurance allowed mammograms. I have had them once a year for 14 years now. A few years they had me doing them every 6 months. This means I've had 18 mammograms before I was 41. I have been finally cleared to go 18 months between, unless they find something. I have many fibroids that it makes it difficult to read the mammograms.

PLEASE get your boobs squished. 

Recommendation is 1st mammogram  at 40 and every 2-5 years after that. I have breast cancer on both sides of my family tree so I'm at higher risk. My daughter will be getting her 1st one at age 20, this is because my mother was so young when she first had hers and my daughter tested positive for the inherited gene as I have. We have also been told to get pap smears yearly since there is a higher chance of us getting ovarian or cervical cancer. 

Stress

My daughter thinks she's 'in love'  with a boy that's 20 and she's only 15. He's been convicted of  a class D felony and is facing charges for a class C felony. It's illegal for them to have sex, though they have admitted they had sex last November, which means she was only 14 at the time. There is nothing I can do to keep them apart unless I catch them having sex or she tries to run away with him. Though today she has told me that she wants to go out for the drill team and help out at the largest haunted house in Iowa. She's worked the haunted house for the past several years. Her counselor says her getting involved with these activities might help her stay away from the boy. Since he is out for preliminary, meaning he is under house-arrest. He has no phone nor internet so there will be no contact, but I worry all the same.

My son, 20 years old, has had a hard year bringing me down with him. April 30th he tore his ACL playing basketball, July 21st he was in a major car accident, and now he sprained his ankle playing basketball. He was off work for awhile, I bought food and helped him out with getting his bills paid. He's bipolar and non-medicated at the moment. Imagine 2 bipolar people in the same place for long periods at time, especial when they usually set each other off. Yes, I take my meds daily as ordered but he doesn't. It sets off my anxiety and a depressive mood. It took me a week, a full week, to get dishes done. I'm hoping that now things have settled down and he's back to work I'll be able to get back on track.

Another stress is that my disability hearing should be coming up in the next few months and I'm worried that they will find some reason to deny me again. I haven't been able to work for almost 10 years now. Add to that we have a unit by unit inspection for house cleaning in a few weeks.

That's what's going on. I'm handling it much better than I thought I would. Many are impressed that I haven't hurt anyone yet. Today I managed to get most of the kitchen clean and yesterday I cleaned my room. It's progress and I'll take it. Every accomplishment is an achievement. Bipolar, depression and anxiety is a day to day, minute to minute living. 

Preparing for NaNoWriMo 2017

What is NaNoWriMo you ask...

NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month.

"National Novel Writing Month is also a 501(c)(3) nonprofit (formerly known as the Office of Letters and Light) that believes your story matters.

Our Mission Statement

National Novel Writing Month believes in the transformational power of creativity. We provide the structure, community, and encouragement to help people find their voices, achieve creative goals, and build new worlds—on and off the page." {©www.nanowrimo.com }

Basically, it's 30 days of writing with the goal of 50,000 words. Yes, it sounds extreme but it has been fun and exciting every year I have done it. The first year was the hardest, I had several setbacks because I ended up deleting words, a no-no for NaNoWriMo. Sounds harsh? Not at all. The objective is to write 50,000 words no matter how beautiful or horrid they are. Making it great is what edits are for. Once I figured that out I have had no issues.

This year is the 1st year that I have started before the end of October. I have no idea why I'm prepping now other than I the research will take forever. I had to chose a city that I have never been to; which means I have to get maps. Of course, online ones suck. I'd have to have a monitor that's at least 50 inch screen to see it all at once. Right now I'm waiting on North Carolina's Travel & Tourism to mail maps, historical places and fun things to do there. Once I have them I can get my homes & places in order. I have already found out the crime rates in every areas of the city and the population influx during the school year.

The basics are almost done....

☑ Main character names (Elyan & Abigail)
☑ Character personalities 
☑ Plots figured out 
☐ Plot twists
☐ History of species
☑ How they contract the virus
☐ Plot twist
☑ Tattoos and birthmarks figured out and drawn

I know I'm forgetting a few but those are the main ones for the writing.

These are much easier since they are household prep.

☐ Menus for November
☐ Grocery list for November
☑ Cleaning list for October
☑ List of snacks for the weekends

There that's how I usually prep in October. Starting it now is difficult but I think necessary since I have decided the city. That and since my bipolar & anxiety is acting up and I can't leave my apartment without issues. It gives me something to do. That all means that I have tons of time on my hands to get everything done. 

Once the maps get here I'll get them laminated so I can use dry erase markers to mark things. Maybe I'll laminate all the info I get so it'll stand the test of time. I've even researched places that laminate so I can get it done cheap since I have no money.