It's Been Months

This will be short today; I'll just be updating a few things.

Breast Health:

I had my follow up mammogram and everything is great. After the biopsy all of the fluid cysts have seemed to disappear. There is NO trace they were even there. The DNA test for all kinds of hereditary cancers were NEGATIVE! I will now be back to every 6 months for mammograms until 2021. After that It'll be every 2 years if things stay good.

Mental Health:

My anxiety has been better since the downstairs neighbor passed away and her kids moved. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. Another neighbor that caused some of my anxiety has also moved. I'm able to get my mail more than I used to.
My bipolar is still under control and no rage episodes for a few months.
My depression has been on and off. Like anyone else I have those ups and downs but I'm able to cope for now.
PTSD night terrors have settled down a bit. They appear at least three times a week instead of every night.
OCD is causing some anxiety. With the depressive days I can't seem to clean. I have been getting some if not all the dishes done which is one of the hardest things for me to do.

New medical conditions:

COPD has hit. I had a major flare up the 1st of the month. A 36 hour hospital stay, 4 nebulizer treatments every day until yesterday (now twice a day), steroids and new twice a day inhaler. My second follow up Monday was great. I'm back to 97% oxygen stats. I have also cut back on smoking big time. I was at about 35 cigarettes a day, now it's about 8 a day. Steroids were finished a few days ago. I seem to be better but I am keeping track of my breathing and adding 30 minutes of meditation breathing every day.

Other News:

Kiddo-1 has been a great help. After several months of ignoring me he has called twice a week and brought his new girlfriend over the other day. I even got to spend his birthday (22nd) with him for dinner. 

Kiddo-2 has been frustrating. She's back to not wanting to go to school again. I took her to her therapist in hopes that would get her to go only to find out she skipped yesterday. At 17 she is still getting good grades I just wish she'd get her butt to school. Planning Homecoming is happening as well as the Winter Formal. If you don't have or haven't had a teenage girl, trust me dress shopping is the worst. Trying on 15 dresses for both trips sucked.

I have started planning my NaNoWriMo 2019 project. I'm excited since it is the beginning of a new series. I have completed book 1 of my 1st series and hoping to publish in 2020. The 2nd-4th books are planned. I'm finishing up the 1st draft of the second and restarting the 3rd. The 4th is planned and even the 5th has started popping into my head.

I think that's it. Tell me about your health and adulting in the comments. I love seeing it all.

Long Time No See!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. I know I was to do Indie Author blog posts every week but, my health has been an issue.
I'll run it down short and sweet.
I had my mammogram as I do every year. They sent me for an ultrasound, then to a breast specialist. Breast specialist did an ultrasound and sent me for an MRI. Now on Tuesday I will be going in under anesthesia for a biopsy of my lymph node under my left arm. This is freaking me out. I'm 44, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 36 in her let breast and lymph nodes. At 44 it returned and at 47 she died. My anxiety has been horrible and my moods are all over the place. I'm lacking focus. All I keep thinking about is not making it to see my baby graduate next year and what is going to happen to her and my 21 year old son. Then of course I think about the doctor telling me that I will NEED to where a supportive bra after surgery. NO! I only have 1 and I barely wear it, plus it will rub right where they are going to cut me open. After I was told about the surgery, I received a letter reminding me it's time for my colonoscopy. I've had polyps removed in the past. One more health issue to cause anxiety.
Now my son is another issue going on. I haven't heard from him since December. No call or text for Christmas, my birthday or even Mother's Day.

On the good side of things. My daughter has a job, she'd 17 if you keep track, my grandbabies, Arya and Aiden are now 4 and having Nama, me, read Harry Potter most nights on Skype. Though Dr. Seuss has came into the picture a few nights over the last 2 weeks. And yes they know when I skip a word in any book. They can read Harry Potter by themselves but want me to read it cause I make the different voices. No they have not seen the movies. Their dads haven't introduced them to electronics yet, except for "Bear in the Big Blue House" DVDs I bought them. 2 hours a week watching. Their nannies take them to the park, museums, botanical garden and on Tuesdays they go to a nursing home and play with the elderly. I am so proud of their dads and of them. I just wished I lived closer but I'm glad their is Skype.

Okay enough of my complaining and sad news. I'll try and update you all soon.

It's February!

As we enter into the second month of 2018, I'm looking at what is to be done. Being bipolar with anxiety and arthritis this month sucks. January I completed only a few tasks out of 25. I managed to read A book, cook meals, kept up with dishes and folded laundry when it was brought home. Things I didn't get done that NEEDED to be done: read 5 books, write every day, lose 2 pounds, cut back on soda, drink more water, cut down on smoking and staying calm when kiddo-2 acts out.

I know what you are thinking, I wanted to do more than I should have. Though I think all were reasonable. I'm not too upset I didn't complete January's to do list. This month will be better I hope.

Mental Issues
1. I went to therapy and just bitched about kiddo-2's behavior. Mainly the fact that when I try to remove myself from the situation she follows me, even outside. Therapist had no ideas for me, as usual.
2. I saw my shrink. We decided that I could go 2 months between visits rather than 1. I was also given the go ahead to wean myself off the primidone. That means dropping from every night to every other night for 2 weeks then off them completely. As I have said before my shrink has the confidence in me to control my meds myself. I tried to go off  keppra, but that didn't work well. That means I am staying on it. So far the primidone cut hasn't given me trouble.
3. I managed to socialize with my neighbor, lets call her P. P had an incident that I know will effect her forever. I went through it a long time ago. We hadn't talked much other than the hello in passing. Now we talk 4-5 times a week. She has bipolar, OCD and anxiety too.
4. I made several healthy dinners and made sure there was leftovers to take to my other neighbor, the shut-in. Lets call him S. S doesn't like being around anyone and he doesn't cook other than toss it in the oven crap. I just knock, he answers and I hand him the container. That's it. I go home... walk 3 steps to my door.

Writing
I didn't even come close to me writing goals. I started Midnight Whispers over and am stuck. I tried to edit Dalara and just couldn't get into it. I had hoped to have at least 10,000 words done. Though with everything going on I understand why. When I'm stressed I can't focus and I'm trying something new with Midnight Whispers. Oh, and I've been sick for 2 months or more. Now that I'm better focus should come soon.
Here is my February goals:
1. Re-setup Scrivener for Midnight Whispers
2. Write 15,000 words of Midnight Whispers.
3. Edit at least 2 chapters of Dalara.
4. Get Inevitable Destinyz off to a beta reader & editor.
5. Research self-publishing again
6. Get Aeon Timeline set up for Midnight Whispers


Reading
I finished "When Darkness Comes"  by Alexandra Ivy. It's the 1st in her Guardians of Eternity series. I have read it several times and I love it more each time. This month I plan on reading the next 4 in the series.

Other Goals
1. Make freezer meals (Feb. 2nd & 3rd)
2. Cut down o soda
3. Drink more water
4. Keep the living room clean
5. Crochet a bit

That seems a lot but it really isn't. I know if I set my mind to them all I can get them all done. Remember, when setting goals make them small and simple. Even 1 small thing completed will make you feel better.

Prep-Tober Time!

What is prep-tober you ask. It's the October which is the month to prepare for November's NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in 30 days). This means I will be setting up my NaNo project, researching and planning all kinds of other crap. It's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which my mom died from breast cancer. So, STRESS is going to be high. Then add in kiddo-2's issues and kiddo-1 constantly getting hurt by accident (torn ACL, car accident & spraining his ankle). I'm gonna split up each issue in this post.

Prep-Tober

I have begun to get my characters in order with names, DOB's, likes, dislikes, etc. Aeon Timeline is started as well. I have the start of my species and DOB's put in as well as the start point of the story.  Next step is to set up my Scapple mind-mapping.
This story is going to be about non-sparkling vampires and shifters mixing with humans. Always fun. I'm not really sure how the species are going to mingle but they will at some point. Since I'm a pantser (non-planner), I never know where the characters will take me in the end. I know there will be certain humans that can mate and have offspring to each species. How this will happen or how they know is still lost on me.
Working title is  'Midnight Whispers'. My main characters are Abigail (human) & Elyan (vampire). Elyan owns and runs a security firm named 'Trinity Security'. His business hires only the best: shifters, military, NSA, CIA, FBI, and martial arts experts to train. Abigail is a labor & delivery nurse at the major hospital. She works 40-80 hours a week and has little time for anything outside work. Elyan becomes infatuated with Abigail. She's leery about him, of course.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 36. I was 18 and didn't know what was really happening because she hid most of it from me. I knew she was having chemo but she had no side-effects. 9 years and 9 months after she was deemed in remission it struck again. They hadn't put it in total remission, it spreed to her liver and brain. I split from my husband at the time, moved in with her, her husband and my 2 kiddos. My son was 5 and my daughter almost 1. My step-father worked, I went to school and took care of my mom's appointments and treatment. After a year, the cancer was so wide-spreed in her brain the chemo would do nothing and radiation wasn't working. Mom decided to stop treatments. Even though it killed me, I supported her choice. It only took 3 months for her to pass. I kept her home until  a few days before her birthday, which was Nov. 14th. We put her in a hospice type long term care. 2 weeks later, the day after Thanksgiving she passed. Exactly 2 weeks after her 47th birthday. 

Since I was 29 I had to wait a year before my insurance allowed mammograms. I have had them once a year for 14 years now. A few years they had me doing them every 6 months. This means I've had 18 mammograms before I was 41. I have been finally cleared to go 18 months between, unless they find something. I have many fibroids that it makes it difficult to read the mammograms.

PLEASE get your boobs squished. 

Recommendation is 1st mammogram  at 40 and every 2-5 years after that. I have breast cancer on both sides of my family tree so I'm at higher risk. My daughter will be getting her 1st one at age 20, this is because my mother was so young when she first had hers and my daughter tested positive for the inherited gene as I have. We have also been told to get pap smears yearly since there is a higher chance of us getting ovarian or cervical cancer. 

Stress

My daughter thinks she's 'in love'  with a boy that's 20 and she's only 15. He's been convicted of  a class D felony and is facing charges for a class C felony. It's illegal for them to have sex, though they have admitted they had sex last November, which means she was only 14 at the time. There is nothing I can do to keep them apart unless I catch them having sex or she tries to run away with him. Though today she has told me that she wants to go out for the drill team and help out at the largest haunted house in Iowa. She's worked the haunted house for the past several years. Her counselor says her getting involved with these activities might help her stay away from the boy. Since he is out for preliminary, meaning he is under house-arrest. He has no phone nor internet so there will be no contact, but I worry all the same.

My son, 20 years old, has had a hard year bringing me down with him. April 30th he tore his ACL playing basketball, July 21st he was in a major car accident, and now he sprained his ankle playing basketball. He was off work for awhile, I bought food and helped him out with getting his bills paid. He's bipolar and non-medicated at the moment. Imagine 2 bipolar people in the same place for long periods at time, especial when they usually set each other off. Yes, I take my meds daily as ordered but he doesn't. It sets off my anxiety and a depressive mood. It took me a week, a full week, to get dishes done. I'm hoping that now things have settled down and he's back to work I'll be able to get back on track.

Another stress is that my disability hearing should be coming up in the next few months and I'm worried that they will find some reason to deny me again. I haven't been able to work for almost 10 years now. Add to that we have a unit by unit inspection for house cleaning in a few weeks.

That's what's going on. I'm handling it much better than I thought I would. Many are impressed that I haven't hurt anyone yet. Today I managed to get most of the kitchen clean and yesterday I cleaned my room. It's progress and I'll take it. Every accomplishment is an achievement. Bipolar, depression and anxiety is a day to day, minute to minute living. 

First Post of The Year

The last several months have been hell on earth in my life. I have made progress in coping with everything.

Anxiety level dropped yesterday when I found out the cysts in my breasts are just that and not cancer 🙌. The thought of cancer had me shaking and anxious for the last 4 months.

Money 💰is still an issue since my hearing for disability isn't for at least another 6 months. The process is long and dragged out but I understand. I know many people that have tried to get it and are able to work. The process saves tax payers money and keeps lazy people off of it. There it is the word 'lazy'. The last few months I have been called that for not working. HA! If I could work I would. There are days I wish my illnesses away just so I can get a paycheck I earned. Yes, that's right, I want to work. Doctors tell me it's not possible. My legs keep swelling, my arthritis is in more joints than before, my anger & rage is not always under control & my anxiety around people is worse. The pain of it every day gets worse but I manage. I could work, my opinion, not the doctors. If I even try to get a job it's blocked by several of my doctors. Then you have the people that say 'why didn't you fight it before now?' Well, I didn't have enough wrong with me to fight with appeals and that would have made it impossible to apply for disability until 2019.

Enough of that. My writing has been slow and a chore. Today is the first day since Nov. 20th 2016 that I have been able to write and I can see my skills are a little slacking. I'm going to push myself to write tonight and every day for the next 30 days. I want to write at least 500 words a day. In preparation today I set up my faithful Aeon Timeline 2© for the new story-line and I have many ideas written down in a notebook📒. Scrivener© is set up as well. Now all I need to do is put those notes into a story. Easier said than done. My mind won't focus for long periods of time and the words don't seem to come. I can picture the scenes in my head but the words are lost. Here is what I know:

• How the species🐺 began
• First 18 chapters of characters
• When it starts (2011)
• Ages of characters (18-20,000+yrs old)
• What is happening in the first 2 chapters
• The species' history
• Laws
• Hierarchy

What I need to know:

• Professions of characters
• Likes & dislikes of characters
• Ceremonies' process

Once I have that I should be able to write it without many issues. Though my mind keeps jumping back to the previous series I was working on. This new one has no connection to that series and is making it hard.

Better Days!

This last week was stressful and emotional. I felt like everything was crashing around me. My health, my mental well-being and of course that effected my moods and house.

With chiropractor appointment, shrink, dentist, grocery shopping, therapist and ultrasound of breast my week was overwhelming.
The week before I was angered by the slightest event, the sight of a neighbor, slow loading internet... you get the point. It took all my energy to not hurt someone. After Tuesday with the shrink & adding a new medication to my regimen , I became lethargic & emotional. The rage wasn't there, which was a first in many months. However, anger & anger were.
Thursday, my therapist said she was worried about the anger and rage. Typical!
As Friday started, I cried, screamed and threw things. Since my mammogram came back abnormal I had an ultrasound on my breasts. I cried the whole time. My mom and my grandma died from breast cancer, so it hits hard. After 45 minutes the doctor came in, all is good, but they are going to watch 2 spots. All others are just cysts full of fluid.
*Please get your mammograms. It saves lives*
When I got home I had no idea what to do with the relief that had washed over me. All I could do is sit here and stare at the computer. My daughter had to remind me to eat, that's how far out of it I was.
Now, I'm hoping my next few weeks are calm and my body gets used to my new medication. I need to write more this week as well.