It's Been Months

This will be short today; I'll just be updating a few things.

Breast Health:

I had my follow up mammogram and everything is great. After the biopsy all of the fluid cysts have seemed to disappear. There is NO trace they were even there. The DNA test for all kinds of hereditary cancers were NEGATIVE! I will now be back to every 6 months for mammograms until 2021. After that It'll be every 2 years if things stay good.

Mental Health:

My anxiety has been better since the downstairs neighbor passed away and her kids moved. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. Another neighbor that caused some of my anxiety has also moved. I'm able to get my mail more than I used to.
My bipolar is still under control and no rage episodes for a few months.
My depression has been on and off. Like anyone else I have those ups and downs but I'm able to cope for now.
PTSD night terrors have settled down a bit. They appear at least three times a week instead of every night.
OCD is causing some anxiety. With the depressive days I can't seem to clean. I have been getting some if not all the dishes done which is one of the hardest things for me to do.

New medical conditions:

COPD has hit. I had a major flare up the 1st of the month. A 36 hour hospital stay, 4 nebulizer treatments every day until yesterday (now twice a day), steroids and new twice a day inhaler. My second follow up Monday was great. I'm back to 97% oxygen stats. I have also cut back on smoking big time. I was at about 35 cigarettes a day, now it's about 8 a day. Steroids were finished a few days ago. I seem to be better but I am keeping track of my breathing and adding 30 minutes of meditation breathing every day.

Other News:

Kiddo-1 has been a great help. After several months of ignoring me he has called twice a week and brought his new girlfriend over the other day. I even got to spend his birthday (22nd) with him for dinner. 

Kiddo-2 has been frustrating. She's back to not wanting to go to school again. I took her to her therapist in hopes that would get her to go only to find out she skipped yesterday. At 17 she is still getting good grades I just wish she'd get her butt to school. Planning Homecoming is happening as well as the Winter Formal. If you don't have or haven't had a teenage girl, trust me dress shopping is the worst. Trying on 15 dresses for both trips sucked.

I have started planning my NaNoWriMo 2019 project. I'm excited since it is the beginning of a new series. I have completed book 1 of my 1st series and hoping to publish in 2020. The 2nd-4th books are planned. I'm finishing up the 1st draft of the second and restarting the 3rd. The 4th is planned and even the 5th has started popping into my head.

I think that's it. Tell me about your health and adulting in the comments. I love seeing it all.

How Mental Health Effect My Days!

WARNING! This post may trigger those who have been abused.

This post will be totally scrambled due to a mini manic episode.

Depression- I can just sit in my chair ad stare at the computer screen, watching Hulu or Netflix. I can want to sleep all day (20hrs a day). I don't write, read or clean. I feel like a failure for not acting like an adult.
TRIGGERS- Seeing my place dirty, trouble paying bills, someone telling me I'm lazy and a few I can't remember what.

Anxiety- This is a tough one to explain. I shake, have trouble breathing, my heart-rate jumps, I have cold & clammy sweats, and afterwards I want to sleep for hours.
TRIGGERS- People, shopping, paying bills, kids screaming and leaving my apartment. Basically anything that means leaving, even getting the mail.

Manic States- I have 2 different kinds. First, massive cleaning spree without stopping. Second, I watch a series on Hulu or Netflix non-stop, read entire book series, write for hours (10-15).
TRIGGERS- The 1st manic state is triggered by unknown reasons. I have found that if I take Trazodone the next day I clean non-stop. The 2nd is caused by a long depression (2 weeks to 1 month) and some triggers I haven't found yet.

PTSD- I know it causes my night-terrors, jumpiness to doors slamming, and fear of someone breaking in. This is caused by the physical, sexual, mental and psychological abuse I endured from my mother's 1st husband.

I'll now explain what causes my PTSD...
My mom married her 1st husband when I was 6. They had dated since I was 3. The earliest thing that I now known is signs of abuse was being scared to be left alone with him. I remember one time my mom was taking my babysitter to the store and I had a temper tantrum, and hid in the car. I still had to stay home. Another is I could get out of being grounded by giving him a back-rub. Department of Human Services investigated the abuse but since mom didn't see it and he lied they dismissed the case. They were called in because I knew how to masturbate. Then it became him calling me all kinds of names (bitch, slut, cunt, stupid, idiot). I blocked out the sexual abuse until after I was 25 years old. He threw me through a double pane window when I was 13.
Now you're asking where my mom was. Well,  she thought that no man would want her since she had me out of wedlock. She was 18 when she had me and was raised Roman Catholic. In here mind my step-father was her only choice and she defended him at every turn.

I am the opposite, I refuse to NEED a man for anything, maybe not all the time. My boyfriend offers to help with bills and stuff but I refuse and ask for a massage instead.

This post is the first time I have told my story to more than a few friends and my mental health providers.

Long Time No See!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. I know I was to do Indie Author blog posts every week but, my health has been an issue.
I'll run it down short and sweet.
I had my mammogram as I do every year. They sent me for an ultrasound, then to a breast specialist. Breast specialist did an ultrasound and sent me for an MRI. Now on Tuesday I will be going in under anesthesia for a biopsy of my lymph node under my left arm. This is freaking me out. I'm 44, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 36 in her let breast and lymph nodes. At 44 it returned and at 47 she died. My anxiety has been horrible and my moods are all over the place. I'm lacking focus. All I keep thinking about is not making it to see my baby graduate next year and what is going to happen to her and my 21 year old son. Then of course I think about the doctor telling me that I will NEED to where a supportive bra after surgery. NO! I only have 1 and I barely wear it, plus it will rub right where they are going to cut me open. After I was told about the surgery, I received a letter reminding me it's time for my colonoscopy. I've had polyps removed in the past. One more health issue to cause anxiety.
Now my son is another issue going on. I haven't heard from him since December. No call or text for Christmas, my birthday or even Mother's Day.

On the good side of things. My daughter has a job, she'd 17 if you keep track, my grandbabies, Arya and Aiden are now 4 and having Nama, me, read Harry Potter most nights on Skype. Though Dr. Seuss has came into the picture a few nights over the last 2 weeks. And yes they know when I skip a word in any book. They can read Harry Potter by themselves but want me to read it cause I make the different voices. No they have not seen the movies. Their dads haven't introduced them to electronics yet, except for "Bear in the Big Blue House" DVDs I bought them. 2 hours a week watching. Their nannies take them to the park, museums, botanical garden and on Tuesdays they go to a nursing home and play with the elderly. I am so proud of their dads and of them. I just wished I lived closer but I'm glad their is Skype.

Okay enough of my complaining and sad news. I'll try and update you all soon.

Indie Author of the Week

Elizabeth York

Surviving Brooklyn (Brooklyn Series Book 1)
Synopsis:
Brooklyn Montgomery, daughter of a well-known criminal, just moved into a new apartment. She needed to be closer to downtown because she landed her dream job of becoming an Assistant District Attorney. Little does she know that the reason for her new job is because a killer is raining down on New York City. The killer is taking out anyone who looks like her, including the last A.D.A., and covering their bodies with thousands of forget-me-nots. Is this a clue to catching the killer or does the killer want to lead Brooklyn to her demise?


Mark Stone, Brooklyn's childhood friend, is the lead detective in the city. He has been handed the case, but has a limited window until the FBI takes over. While he hunts the killer he guards Brooklyn with his life. He knows she has feelings for him, but can the past be overlooked so they can be together after they catch the killer? What happens if they can't stop the killer in time? Will he catch the killer and capture her heart, or will the final victim be the one he wanted all along, Brooklyn?

Website

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Indie Author of the Week

Julie Bailes

***Mature Audience Only***
Shattered and Shaken (Shaken Series Book 1)

Synopsis:
If someone asked me to describe myself using only one word, I’d tell them damaged. I’m completely broken, irreparable. On the outside, I appear beautiful and bright, but on the inside, my soul is black and empty. I haven’t always been this fragile, scared, and heartbroken woman. Nope. I had the life my peers envied; happily married parents, captain of the volleyball team, and a dangerously sexy and loving boyfriend. Then, faster than I could blink, my life went to hell in a gasoline-soaked hand basket.

Cancer struck. The sting of death pierced my heart, and my so-called ‘loving’ boyfriend left me. Wyatt shattered my heart into a million pieces when he left, but little did he know, it wasn’t just me he walked away from. Four years later, Blake changes everything. Unlike Wyatt, Blake treasures my heart. Blake claims I’m beautifully broken, and that he can fix me, but I know differently.

How can you put something together without all its pieces? You can’t. When Wyatt left, he took most of my heart away with him. You see, hearts are like broken glass; you can put it back together again, but it will never be the same. While I’m undeserving of Blake’s love, he deserves every bit of mine. My biggest fear is that I’ll crush his heart, just as Wyatt did mine.



Website: https://authorjbailes.wordpress.com/books/

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Indie Author of the Week

Leigh M. Lorien

The Haunting of Killian McKay

Synopsis:
"In an effort to reinvigorate the paranormal investigation genre -- and  his career -- Killian McKay makes the decision to livestream a ghost  hunt in the house where he had his first supernatural encounter as a  kid. To make sure things get interesting, he hires a witch to stir up  the spirits in the house.

When the witch, Lady Ivana, turns out  to be a handsome, muscular, genderfluid man named Ivan, Killian quickly  realizes he underestimated just how interesting things can get.

Ivan  is the real deal, a witch with herbs and spells and magic, and he knows  more about ghosts than Killian ever hoped to learn. Killian wants to  know everything Ivan knows, and he wants to know everything about Ivan  ... but first, they have to survive the night."


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(Authors get a bigger cut when you buy directly from the publisher.)

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Indie Author of the Week

Gwyn McNamee 

Savage Collision: A Hawke Family Novel (The Hawke Family Book 1)

Synopsis:
The last thing I expect when I walk into The Hawkeye Club is to fall head over heels in lust. It’s supposed to be a rescue mission. I have to get my baby sister off the pole, into some clothes, and out of the grasp of the pussy peddler who somehow manipulated her into stripping. But the moment I see Savage Hawke and verbally spar with him, my ability to remain rational flies out the window and my libido takes center stage. I’ve never wanted a relationship—my time is better spent focusing on taking down the scum running this city—but what I want and what I need are apparently two different things.

Danika Eriksson storms into my office in her high heels and on her high horse. Her holier-than-thou attitude and accusations should offend me, but instead, I can’t get her out of my head or my heart. Her incomparable drive, take-no-prisoners attitude, and blatant honesty captivate me and hold me prisoner. I should steer clear, but my self-preservation instinct is apparently dead—which is exactly what our relationship will be once she knows everything. It’s only a matter of time.

Website
Twitter: @GwynMcnamee 

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Indie Author of the Week

Andrew Mowere

Tales of Grimea (Fantasy/Short Story Collection)


Synopsis:
Set in the realm of Grimea:
Tales of Grimea (Fantasy/Short Story Collection): This is a chronological collection of stories, legends, myths, and half-whispers salvaged from forgotten journals across the four continents. These seven records have been collected and archived in Indellekt’s Greenstar Library, left there in case an outsider ever wishes to learn of our realm, Grimea. You are that outsider.



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Indie Author of the Week

Mike Aaron

Cuteness Overloard


Synopsis:
Carl Shan is an underappreciated scientist who is absolutely sick and tired of it all.
His research ideas are illegal. He's been fired. The twenty-nine year old is dumped and has been reduced to living with his parents in stupid Barnley. Furious with the way the world treats him and knowing that he should always believe in himself, Carl decides to leave it all behind. He builds a time machine to the year 2117. When he arrives, he is surprised to find his workshop a mess.
Why are the buildings in ruins and the streets empty? Also... since when did baby animals have such sharp claws?

Website: associationofmerrymakers.Wordpress.com
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35104776-cuteness-overlord

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*This is a promotion I gain no compensation for.

Is It Still January?

I am amazed it is still January. For some reason it feels like this month is going fast when it's not. It could be because I have had a week of good days.

MEDICAL:
I found out I have to take an extra inhaler so I can keep the bronchitis and pneumonia away. Then they added prednisone to the mix. I now take 11 pills in the morning and 8 at night. I really wanted to get off more meds but I guess it'll take longer to do that.
Kiddo-2 came home last weekend and cleaned the house. Yes, the whole house. I have kept up with the cleaning too. I cooked homemade chicken-n-dumplings and chicken-noodle soup.  That fed us for 5 days all together and you can't even tell I cooked when looking at my kitchen. Everything is cleaned up. PREDNISONE at it's best. I also have had to return to the chiropractor due to the pain in my shoulders and hips. I lasted 8 months without going. I think the weather change has caused it. By Tuesday I'll be back to normal, I hope.

WEATHER:
With a "white shit that falls from the sky" storm coming into my area tomorrow I had to stock up on a few things to make it with less anxiety. I grabbed soda, milk, eggs, bread, a steak, veggies, salad stuff, ice cream, snacks, fish and a frozen pizza.

 Frig is completely full, freezer is almost full. hen I have all my writing snacks ready to go for my marathon writing days. Should be about 2 full days of words. For me this shopping trip was not normal. I usually don't buy snacks or frozen food stuff. I bet you are wondering what meals I'll be making... Beef fajitas, tacos, steak, salads, pizza and ice cream.

WRITING:
With 4-8 inches of white crap supposedly going to fall, staying warm, munching and writing is what I really need to do. I really want to get beyond 65k words on CoT2. If I can do that I can finish it before CampNaNoWriMo April.
UPDATE: CoT-1 has been handed over to a few friends to read. Then I should only have 2 round of edits left.

I have all of January's Indie Author of the Week posts done. One for February is also done. Now you just have to wait until Saturdays.


*Happy Writing & Happy Reading*

Indie Author of the Week

Diane Morrison

Once Upon a Time in the Wyrd West


Synopsis:In a post-apocalyptic Saskatchewan, the Gunslingers are a holy order of Law, empowered to keep the peace and protect the common people. They have supernatural powers to back it up. The Walsh siblings are about to find themselves entangled in the nefarious schemes of a necromancer. But they're not Gunslingers -- not yet. Graeme and Piper will need all their training and courage, and all the support of their newfound companions, to put a stop to the villain's plans. But Graeme has an ace up his sleeve. Nobody but his family, and the shaman who trained him, knows that he's a sorcerer.


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Diane also writes under Sable Arcadia.

*This is a promotion I gain no compensation for.

Indie Author of the Week

David Ranshaw

Gryphon’s Heir

Synopsis:
 Six years after the end of the Great War, schoolmaster Rhissan Griffith believes himself just another young man struggling to find success at a private school in rural England. An idle wish for a little magic in the midst of his frustrating, unfulfilling life catapults Rhiss into a situation that winds up being far more than he ever imagined possible... or desirable.
After school one dismal and rainy afternoon, an extraordinary door to perilous adventure unexpectedly opens in his life. It promises to thrust Rhiss into unimaginable realms of wonder and terror, encounters with beings fantastical and mythological, and answers to questions regarding a past — and a future — he has never before even contemplated. Leaving his old life behind, Rhiss accepts the challenge and walks unsuspectingly into a desperate and deadly conflict that shakes his faith and everything he ever knew or believed about himself. But how could an ordinary man help to shape the course of a world locked in battle against an ancient evil?

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News Years Day 2019!

2018 has ended and 2019 has begun. Many of us are looking back at what we accomplished in 2018 and what we want to accomplish in 2019. I'm no different, I have been looking back and to the future.

In 2018 I accomplished more than I thought I would with my writing. I finished CoT-1 and CoT-1.5. Two rounds of edits on CoT-1 and have several people reading it now. Letting others read my work was scary and I'm still very anxious to get their feedback. My shrink has read both I completed and she loves them, but she may just be telling me that to make me feel good. I have found a permanent title to my series, it will be Chronicles of Thamesonville. I have won both CampNaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo 2018. My 13 year old neighbor girl won her NaNoWriMo through the Young Writers Program with encouragement from me. I think her winning made me feel more proud of her than myself.
I also completed my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2018. 85 books in 365 days was more than I thought I'd get read with my mental acting up again.

I have found a way to connect with my daughter and she has opened up about everything. Being 17 now, it is not something I expected.

In 2019 I hope to complete the following:
1. Publish CoT-1
2. Write CoT-2 (started at 12:15am 1-1-2019) & CoT-4
3. Draw a map for CoT
4. Start a new series
5. Continue fighting for disability
6. Eat healthier-though salads every day already
7. Keep up with blog posts. Will talk about that later in this post.
8. Try and get outside more
9. Win NaNoWriMo 2019 & CampNaNo 2019 (both)
It doesn't seem like much to most people but you have to remember writing can take forever. CoT-1 took 6 years to get it to where it is. Add in the pressure of both CampNaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo itself, writing is stressful.

New blog posts coming every week: 
"Indie Author of the Week"
I will be choosing independent (indie) authors who self publish or publish through a small company to promote. I will not receive compensation or free swag from any of them.
After Cockygate I found many new indie authors and I now wish to spread the word of others. I shall not be reading ALL of the books but using their websites, Goodreads and sale sites to gather information to pass along to you. Many of these authors have been recommended to me by friends and fellow authors. If you have any indie authors you wish to be featured post links to author website in the comments.