***Day 13 of CampNaNoWriMo April 2015***

I am making slow progress with my CampNaNoWriMo 2015 project. Several things have come up and distracted me. The main distraction is having to write on my desktop since my laptop died over the weekend.

I am still a day and a half ahead of schedule. Though I wanted to finish by the 25th. I might not be able to.
I thought you might like an excerpt from my #WIP.
Tasmina
Tasmina had been left with Vance while Azmera tossed together a meal. Vance was silent and that had made Tasmina feel comfortable enough to sleep. Her dreams were filled with Amos. He was beating her and telling her he’d kill her given the chance. When she flung out of bed trying to escape her dream, she saw that Elijah had replaced Vance. Why hadn’t his scent calmed her. Vance was new to her wolf but she knew Elijah would never let Amos get her. To the point she was certain about it.
“You are safe little one.”
She crawled back into bed. “Amos?”
“Executed. You do not  have to worry about him. Is he one you were dreaming about?”
Nodding since her tongue was tied from fear that lingered. Swallowing the lump in her throat, “Yes.”
“I must speak of another matter at hand.” She looked to the floor. He fall back mode. “Amos spoke of others coming for you. Stated they were to start with you. Do not fear Council has it safe for you. More warriors are coming. Council thinks it best you stay here. Your scent is all over Sage’s territory, but very little here. If you stay inside none shall know you are here.”
“School?”
Elijah felt the wave of sadness coming from her. “You can still do your school here. You will no longer be allowed to the school until this is settled.”
“Why me? I can’t hurt anyone.” Tears were flowing down her cheeks. She no longer cared if she seemed weak to anyone.
“He called you a traitor.”
“Why? All I did was run from him.”
“You ran to Council. That can be seen as a betrayal to an Alpha. I know you did what you had to. Council feels the same. Zane would not have given you to Sage if not. Can you tell me what Amos did to you?”
“Must I?”
“No, I would like to know at some point.”
“He whipped me for everything. If I walked to slow or too fast. If I ate the wrong way according to him. I was pushed and beat on by everyone, even the females at times.” She was shaking with the memories but continued, “I was forced to…” and she couldn’t continue any longer.
“Forced? Forced to do what?”

She looked to he waist and then to his. “They took you? They forced you when you were so young?” His tone was angered. For the first time Tasmina saw his powers and control over them. He didn’t move but just sat there clenching his fists repeatedly. His power was intense, it was driving he to hide but she sat there waiting for him to ask again and give details. The questions never came. Elijah just sat there at the door in silence.

There I hope you like it!

Have a great day ad keep writing and reading.

Turning 40!

As today approached I planned it to be just another day. I was wrong, today is my 40th birthday. A few years ago I thought I'd never make it this far. I look back over the last years and see I haven't accomplished anything worth while other than raising my beautiful kids.
When I was little I wanted to be an accountant, yes I have a masters in accounting. Due to medical reasons I can't work. So, I sit and write or clean. I feel like a failure.

My bipolar hasn't helped, I've been crying for a few reasons:
My son moved into his dad's when his dad hasn't been around for 15 of the 17 years
I'm 40 today
I fear others reading my novels I've written, not published
I fear I'll loose everything since I have very little money coming in
My van hasn't ran for a year.

On a positive note:
I spent hours with my dad (not a usual thing) last night. A great time.
I'm another day closer to getting my Disability
I'm still alive after cancer a few years back.

My self implied goals for this year is to self-publish at least one of my novels, to spend more time with my daughter, to eat healthier, not that we have junk food in the house, be more active in my religion(pagan) and to think positive.

There I wrote about how it feels to be 40.

Life is a Roller Coaster!

I have been a single mom since my oldest was 2 years old, though those two years felt like I was the only parent too. So, lets say I've been a single parent for almost 18 years now. I know that my son will start college in the fall and will move out. That's a given. I know this, I expect this.

Background:

My son's father has had almost nothing to do with him in the last 15 years. Maybe 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there, but that's about it. One year I totaled it together and it was four hours that year he saw my son. His father paid child support on time every week and was never late (bonus, many don't have that). The last 6 months his father has been seeing him every weekend. (I knew there was a plan)

Current:

Two months ago my son comes to me and says he's moving in with his dad when school is out. Okay, thinking that it would change in a month. (Dad isn't one to stick to things, more like cause disappointment). March comes and his dad calls me to discuss my son moving in with him. Wooooo! Hold the train. after talking for an hour, I agreed to allow it after graduation (May 24th). A week later my son says he's packing so he can take all of his stuff to his dad's. That is 10 weeks early. He continues to argue saying dad said I could move now. Well, doing what a good mom does, I called his dad. No, he hadn't told my son he could move NOW! Typical teen playing the parents. That got all settled. He'd be moving out May 23rd.
Two weeks later my son refuses to come home because he's scared of me, I beat him... I have never nor would I ever. I agreed to let him stay 1 more night and I cried the whole night. Next morning I start making phone calls. After finding a way to stay where I'm living with my girl and how I'd pay bills I called my lawyer. Then I called his dad and explained what I was willing to do. Joint custody with joint equal placement and no child support. The money was his issue of course.
It's a 35 minute drive to his dad's from the school. Really! With gas prices has high as they are, I didn't like it. Not to mention I had planned my money out so I could manage after graduation not that minute.

Fallout:

I feel as if I have failed my son. I thought I gave him everything he needed.Now I see I haven't. He has been the one kid I had 95% of the time and I'm lost. Those few months before he turns 18 (end of August) were the months I was going to let go a bit at a time. Now I don't have that.

I've cried. I've wished for my mommy (passed 2003), I wished for my grandpa (passed 1995) and I screamed, yelled and hit the door. Yeah I have to replace it now. The last week I have been up, down, and up again. My emotions were all over the place.

Plus Side:

On to the plus side... I noticed that  my girl and I have been more talkative since the move. We have planned meals that my son would NEVER eat and we had mommy/daughter time more than ever before. She's had always been a daddy's girl until the last year. Now she's a mommy's girl and I'm grateful for this time.

Plus, my son's dad is finding out how a teenager acts that doesn't take his medication and how difficult it is to punish him. Another bonus is that I will not have to pay for college, graduation party or any of that. It's all on his dad.

I have found support through Twitter and my friends on there, many writers. They have helped walk me through this. Guided me to a place that I am able to handle the situation better. Given me the strength to work on my CampNaNoWriMo project and smile. They have been my rock.

Now, working on my WIP-4 for CampNaNo, I find I have chosen am emotional character. One that issues from my younger years will come to light.  I'm continuing it whether or not it makes me cry.