Life is a Roller Coaster!

I have been a single mom since my oldest was 2 years old, though those two years felt like I was the only parent too. So, lets say I've been a single parent for almost 18 years now. I know that my son will start college in the fall and will move out. That's a given. I know this, I expect this.

Background:

My son's father has had almost nothing to do with him in the last 15 years. Maybe 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there, but that's about it. One year I totaled it together and it was four hours that year he saw my son. His father paid child support on time every week and was never late (bonus, many don't have that). The last 6 months his father has been seeing him every weekend. (I knew there was a plan)

Current:

Two months ago my son comes to me and says he's moving in with his dad when school is out. Okay, thinking that it would change in a month. (Dad isn't one to stick to things, more like cause disappointment). March comes and his dad calls me to discuss my son moving in with him. Wooooo! Hold the train. after talking for an hour, I agreed to allow it after graduation (May 24th). A week later my son says he's packing so he can take all of his stuff to his dad's. That is 10 weeks early. He continues to argue saying dad said I could move now. Well, doing what a good mom does, I called his dad. No, he hadn't told my son he could move NOW! Typical teen playing the parents. That got all settled. He'd be moving out May 23rd.
Two weeks later my son refuses to come home because he's scared of me, I beat him... I have never nor would I ever. I agreed to let him stay 1 more night and I cried the whole night. Next morning I start making phone calls. After finding a way to stay where I'm living with my girl and how I'd pay bills I called my lawyer. Then I called his dad and explained what I was willing to do. Joint custody with joint equal placement and no child support. The money was his issue of course.
It's a 35 minute drive to his dad's from the school. Really! With gas prices has high as they are, I didn't like it. Not to mention I had planned my money out so I could manage after graduation not that minute.

Fallout:

I feel as if I have failed my son. I thought I gave him everything he needed.Now I see I haven't. He has been the one kid I had 95% of the time and I'm lost. Those few months before he turns 18 (end of August) were the months I was going to let go a bit at a time. Now I don't have that.

I've cried. I've wished for my mommy (passed 2003), I wished for my grandpa (passed 1995) and I screamed, yelled and hit the door. Yeah I have to replace it now. The last week I have been up, down, and up again. My emotions were all over the place.

Plus Side:

On to the plus side... I noticed that  my girl and I have been more talkative since the move. We have planned meals that my son would NEVER eat and we had mommy/daughter time more than ever before. She's had always been a daddy's girl until the last year. Now she's a mommy's girl and I'm grateful for this time.

Plus, my son's dad is finding out how a teenager acts that doesn't take his medication and how difficult it is to punish him. Another bonus is that I will not have to pay for college, graduation party or any of that. It's all on his dad.

I have found support through Twitter and my friends on there, many writers. They have helped walk me through this. Guided me to a place that I am able to handle the situation better. Given me the strength to work on my CampNaNoWriMo project and smile. They have been my rock.

Now, working on my WIP-4 for CampNaNo, I find I have chosen am emotional character. One that issues from my younger years will come to light.  I'm continuing it whether or not it makes me cry.

Writing is Hard

As I write today I realise that it's not easy. I have 1 that needs editing like crazy and 3 that needs to be finished. Why can't I just stay focused on 1 of them. Yep, you guessed it, plot bunnies driving me in so many directions.
Excerpt from #WIP3

Tasmina didn’t know where she was going but she knew she had to get away from him. How could this be happening? Her life was just getting on track, school, being able to walk around without fear’ well much fear anyway.  It was a life she thought she’d never have after everything she’d went through as a pup. She had thought it was in the past, now he brought it to the front of her thoughts. Thoughts she didn’t want back. Once she slowed down she scented to see if anyone was following her, no she was alone. The only scent she found was that of the stream running through the land. Knowing the visiting wolves weren’t allowed there she sat down. Thoughts of Amos and the dungeon rushed back. Feeling as though she was in it she began to shake, sweat and fear was rolling off her. This was how it would be with Elijah. He was of old days, kept his pack in order with whippings. Another thing she was all too familiar with. Though the scars on her back had healed without the faintest line, her inner scars were there to stay. She can’t go through that again and she wouldn’t. If that went going anomic then so be it. She had left her tracking sense open to keep herself safe, now she scented a male within a few yards. One she wasn’t familiar with. Must be one of those looking for their true-mate, something she never thought of doing. Tracking his movement she sensed he moved in another direction, to a path that was further away from her. Wondering why others wanted to mate, she thought of how her parents had been. They were true-mates and died within six months of each other, she being only four. Memories of them were faint but she knew they loved each other with all they had. Pictures of them holding hands and smiling at each other when they thought no one was looking made her wolf stir.

(c) Jessica Markley 2014

See not my best work but it's the first draft so I'll go with it for now. Back to fingers flying over the keyboard. #WriteClub today. Hoping to hit 5k new words. More updates soon.

One Holiday Down!

With Thanksgiving done and over with I'm doing better than I thought. I wrote all day instead of being with family. Yes, I know holidays are to be spent with family, well you don't know my family, at least most of it. Plus I'm a bit antisocial and would rather be in my own little world with my characters. My kids had a good time with their other side of their families which I'm grateful for.

Those of you know me, I've started yet another #WIP (work in progress) since I finished and won #NAoNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) with just over 50k words. It's in the same series as the last 2 that aren't finished. #WIP1 is only 2 chapters away from being done and #WIP2 has a ways to go. The nasty plot bunnies decided I needed to jump to #WIP3. It's flowing nicely so I'm sticking with it for now. As those bunnies stop with #WIP3 I'll finish up the 1st once and hand it over to an editor. Then work on second. Hoping to finish by March plus have edits done to my YA (young Adult) #WIP that I started 5 years ago.
Remember that the excerpts I post here are ones unedited. There will be many changes in the future I think.

Here is an excerpt from current #WIP3
"She tossed and turned. The smell of woods and power lingered in her nose and mind. It was nothing she had ever really paid attention to. Scenting was the one thing she tried not to do. All she would scent was if it was male, female or human. When she finally fell asleep it wasn't a good sleep. Her dreams were full of fear, terror and pain."

Well, now it's time to tame those plot bunnies and get back to writing. Have a productive week.