Another Loss

Yesterday I lost another great woman in my life. Leone was a second grandma to me since I was old enough to remember. I played with her granddaughter & grandson all the time.

Every time I was in her house I felt the love and acceptance. Leone never judged and always forgave no matter what.

I remember her making homemade play dough when we were bored, teaching us to bake all kinds of cookies. She taught me tons of gardening tips and ideas. I learned most of the names of flowers that would grow well here in Iowa.

I'm going to miss the welcome smile and hug I got every time I walked in her door. I'll miss stopping by when my mom passed and Leone held me while I cried for hours. She made me feel loved and helped me move past my loss when everyone else told me to 'get over it'.

She was the rock in her family and all that knew her.

Leone lived a long life full of love and family. Countless grandchildren, great-grandchildren, even great-great-grandchildren. All she ever wanted for us is to have happy lives. I have that in aspects to family.

She never spent much time with my kids, but always wanted pictures and she got them of both my kids every time they had new ones taken. Anytime I had new pictures of us she was the first to get them then my own small family.

My heart aches and tears have fallen but in my heart I know she is at peace and pain free. This gives me joy.

I will not attend her funeral because of the hundreds of people that will be there to celebrate her life. I just can't handle it. The thought I won't be there hurts me. So, today I am taking a break from social media and spending time with my kids.

My Leone rest in peace and all who knew who understand her life was fulfilled and it was her time.

I love you  grandma Leone.

Preparing for NaNoWriMo 2017

What is NaNoWriMo you ask...

NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month.

"National Novel Writing Month is also a 501(c)(3) nonprofit (formerly known as the Office of Letters and Light) that believes your story matters.

Our Mission Statement

National Novel Writing Month believes in the transformational power of creativity. We provide the structure, community, and encouragement to help people find their voices, achieve creative goals, and build new worlds—on and off the page." {©www.nanowrimo.com }

Basically, it's 30 days of writing with the goal of 50,000 words. Yes, it sounds extreme but it has been fun and exciting every year I have done it. The first year was the hardest, I had several setbacks because I ended up deleting words, a no-no for NaNoWriMo. Sounds harsh? Not at all. The objective is to write 50,000 words no matter how beautiful or horrid they are. Making it great is what edits are for. Once I figured that out I have had no issues.

This year is the 1st year that I have started before the end of October. I have no idea why I'm prepping now other than I the research will take forever. I had to chose a city that I have never been to; which means I have to get maps. Of course, online ones suck. I'd have to have a monitor that's at least 50 inch screen to see it all at once. Right now I'm waiting on North Carolina's Travel & Tourism to mail maps, historical places and fun things to do there. Once I have them I can get my homes & places in order. I have already found out the crime rates in every areas of the city and the population influx during the school year.

The basics are almost done....

☑ Main character names (Elyan & Abigail)
☑ Character personalities 
☑ Plots figured out 
☐ Plot twists
☐ History of species
☑ How they contract the virus
☐ Plot twist
☑ Tattoos and birthmarks figured out and drawn

I know I'm forgetting a few but those are the main ones for the writing.

These are much easier since they are household prep.

☐ Menus for November
☐ Grocery list for November
☑ Cleaning list for October
☑ List of snacks for the weekends

There that's how I usually prep in October. Starting it now is difficult but I think necessary since I have decided the city. That and since my bipolar & anxiety is acting up and I can't leave my apartment without issues. It gives me something to do. That all means that I have tons of time on my hands to get everything done. 

Once the maps get here I'll get them laminated so I can use dry erase markers to mark things. Maybe I'll laminate all the info I get so it'll stand the test of time. I've even researched places that laminate so I can get it done cheap since I have no money. 

Middle of July

CampNaNoWriMo July edition is half over and I have already reached my goals. The sad thing is that it'll all get archived and forgotten, probably for years. It sucks, I hate it but at least I got words down. With that said I have come up with a novella series and I'm working on it. This series will out of my norm cause it's not about shifters but non-sparkly vampires. They will be fast paced and of course have naughty-naughty scenes. I might even self-publish these before I do anything else. Yes, I haven't published anything yet, truth be told only 1 person has read my works. Though it is understandable with my anxiety and OCD (obsessive compulsion disorder). I hyper-ventilate just thinking about someone reading my stuff.
So far the main characters are named; banana, orange and plum. I haven't found a name that fits their personality yet.

SO, with all that said, why do I write?

Well, I started out writing for my daughter and to keep me busy without a job or internet. Kiddo-2 read Twilight in kindergarten. By the time she was in 2nd grade there were almost no books she could read that didn't have sex in it. I wrote and wrote for over a year and ended up with over 180k words. Once I started reading more I found a new genre to write and with a lot of sex. I've gone back over my 1st work and it'll take tons of editing. Too many main characters and their situations. I just haven't found a way to split it up since it all happens at the same time and I love my characters.
My adult characters are keeping me fairly sane and it's the reason why I am still writing. Like I've said before writing is a thing therapists suggest for certain things. For  me, it helps. I have met others it doesn't work.

Update on Kids

Kiddo-2 is spending time with grandma and hasn't been too bad. She calls every day and we talk. We have agreed she has to  spend a weekend home this month and she chose the last one of course. I talked to her supposed-ex-boy-friend and jumped his shit for what he did while kiddo-2 was hiding. She is going to therapy and talking to the behavioral therapist as well. She really wants to come home and be the girl I knew before this last November.

Kiddo-1 has just begun to kiss my butt. After over a month he decides he needs his mommy. Yep, I knew it was coming. He has apologized for causing trouble and of course he needed help buying food. Yes, I've helped him a tiny bit but nowhere near as much as I did before everything happened.  I have split feelings about him being in my life. I love him, there is no question in that. I just don't know if I can trust him. I'll make an effort to keep him in my life as long as he continues on his current choice. He has admitted that his un-medicated bipolar played a part in the whole situation. This was something I already knew but for him to admit it was a huge step. He has set up an appointment for the end of the month to get back on meds. I'm not holding my breath that he'll take the pills but I can hope.

Disability- Money-Bills

My disability claim should be going to court in the next couple of months. I know I'll end up getting it but it is stressful. I check my e-mail several times a day hoping that my attorney has sent me a date for court. I wish it had already been approved since the system messed up my paperwork for state assistance for the 3rd time in the last 18 months. I usually get the money on the 1st of every month but for July I haven't received anything yet and won't until the 24th. Luckily my ex-MIL helped out with bills. I'll pay her back when I get the money. I'm hoping soon this crap will be done with and I won't have to worry about the paperwork every 3 months.

Neighbors

This apartment complex sucks ass. I have an anxiety attack every time I have to take out my trash or check the mail. I have been waiting until dark to do either. Though this last week I sat outside with 1 neighbor and her kids... well kiddo-1 was out there too. Staying inside cause of idiots isn't healthy but soon I'll be able to afford a different place. I try and go over to one neighbors once a week for a bit and have kept to it for 5 weeks.

I am not a doctor or therapist, seek a medical professional if you have thoughts of suicide, homicide, or any other health issues. My words should not replace a professional's advice.