It's Been Months

This will be short today; I'll just be updating a few things.

Breast Health:

I had my follow up mammogram and everything is great. After the biopsy all of the fluid cysts have seemed to disappear. There is NO trace they were even there. The DNA test for all kinds of hereditary cancers were NEGATIVE! I will now be back to every 6 months for mammograms until 2021. After that It'll be every 2 years if things stay good.

Mental Health:

My anxiety has been better since the downstairs neighbor passed away and her kids moved. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. Another neighbor that caused some of my anxiety has also moved. I'm able to get my mail more than I used to.
My bipolar is still under control and no rage episodes for a few months.
My depression has been on and off. Like anyone else I have those ups and downs but I'm able to cope for now.
PTSD night terrors have settled down a bit. They appear at least three times a week instead of every night.
OCD is causing some anxiety. With the depressive days I can't seem to clean. I have been getting some if not all the dishes done which is one of the hardest things for me to do.

New medical conditions:

COPD has hit. I had a major flare up the 1st of the month. A 36 hour hospital stay, 4 nebulizer treatments every day until yesterday (now twice a day), steroids and new twice a day inhaler. My second follow up Monday was great. I'm back to 97% oxygen stats. I have also cut back on smoking big time. I was at about 35 cigarettes a day, now it's about 8 a day. Steroids were finished a few days ago. I seem to be better but I am keeping track of my breathing and adding 30 minutes of meditation breathing every day.

Other News:

Kiddo-1 has been a great help. After several months of ignoring me he has called twice a week and brought his new girlfriend over the other day. I even got to spend his birthday (22nd) with him for dinner. 

Kiddo-2 has been frustrating. She's back to not wanting to go to school again. I took her to her therapist in hopes that would get her to go only to find out she skipped yesterday. At 17 she is still getting good grades I just wish she'd get her butt to school. Planning Homecoming is happening as well as the Winter Formal. If you don't have or haven't had a teenage girl, trust me dress shopping is the worst. Trying on 15 dresses for both trips sucked.

I have started planning my NaNoWriMo 2019 project. I'm excited since it is the beginning of a new series. I have completed book 1 of my 1st series and hoping to publish in 2020. The 2nd-4th books are planned. I'm finishing up the 1st draft of the second and restarting the 3rd. The 4th is planned and even the 5th has started popping into my head.

I think that's it. Tell me about your health and adulting in the comments. I love seeing it all.

How Mental Health Effect My Days!

WARNING! This post may trigger those who have been abused.

This post will be totally scrambled due to a mini manic episode.

Depression- I can just sit in my chair ad stare at the computer screen, watching Hulu or Netflix. I can want to sleep all day (20hrs a day). I don't write, read or clean. I feel like a failure for not acting like an adult.
TRIGGERS- Seeing my place dirty, trouble paying bills, someone telling me I'm lazy and a few I can't remember what.

Anxiety- This is a tough one to explain. I shake, have trouble breathing, my heart-rate jumps, I have cold & clammy sweats, and afterwards I want to sleep for hours.
TRIGGERS- People, shopping, paying bills, kids screaming and leaving my apartment. Basically anything that means leaving, even getting the mail.

Manic States- I have 2 different kinds. First, massive cleaning spree without stopping. Second, I watch a series on Hulu or Netflix non-stop, read entire book series, write for hours (10-15).
TRIGGERS- The 1st manic state is triggered by unknown reasons. I have found that if I take Trazodone the next day I clean non-stop. The 2nd is caused by a long depression (2 weeks to 1 month) and some triggers I haven't found yet.

PTSD- I know it causes my night-terrors, jumpiness to doors slamming, and fear of someone breaking in. This is caused by the physical, sexual, mental and psychological abuse I endured from my mother's 1st husband.

I'll now explain what causes my PTSD...
My mom married her 1st husband when I was 6. They had dated since I was 3. The earliest thing that I now known is signs of abuse was being scared to be left alone with him. I remember one time my mom was taking my babysitter to the store and I had a temper tantrum, and hid in the car. I still had to stay home. Another is I could get out of being grounded by giving him a back-rub. Department of Human Services investigated the abuse but since mom didn't see it and he lied they dismissed the case. They were called in because I knew how to masturbate. Then it became him calling me all kinds of names (bitch, slut, cunt, stupid, idiot). I blocked out the sexual abuse until after I was 25 years old. He threw me through a double pane window when I was 13.
Now you're asking where my mom was. Well,  she thought that no man would want her since she had me out of wedlock. She was 18 when she had me and was raised Roman Catholic. In here mind my step-father was her only choice and she defended him at every turn.

I am the opposite, I refuse to NEED a man for anything, maybe not all the time. My boyfriend offers to help with bills and stuff but I refuse and ask for a massage instead.

This post is the first time I have told my story to more than a few friends and my mental health providers.

Long Time No See!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. I know I was to do Indie Author blog posts every week but, my health has been an issue.
I'll run it down short and sweet.
I had my mammogram as I do every year. They sent me for an ultrasound, then to a breast specialist. Breast specialist did an ultrasound and sent me for an MRI. Now on Tuesday I will be going in under anesthesia for a biopsy of my lymph node under my left arm. This is freaking me out. I'm 44, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 36 in her let breast and lymph nodes. At 44 it returned and at 47 she died. My anxiety has been horrible and my moods are all over the place. I'm lacking focus. All I keep thinking about is not making it to see my baby graduate next year and what is going to happen to her and my 21 year old son. Then of course I think about the doctor telling me that I will NEED to where a supportive bra after surgery. NO! I only have 1 and I barely wear it, plus it will rub right where they are going to cut me open. After I was told about the surgery, I received a letter reminding me it's time for my colonoscopy. I've had polyps removed in the past. One more health issue to cause anxiety.
Now my son is another issue going on. I haven't heard from him since December. No call or text for Christmas, my birthday or even Mother's Day.

On the good side of things. My daughter has a job, she'd 17 if you keep track, my grandbabies, Arya and Aiden are now 4 and having Nama, me, read Harry Potter most nights on Skype. Though Dr. Seuss has came into the picture a few nights over the last 2 weeks. And yes they know when I skip a word in any book. They can read Harry Potter by themselves but want me to read it cause I make the different voices. No they have not seen the movies. Their dads haven't introduced them to electronics yet, except for "Bear in the Big Blue House" DVDs I bought them. 2 hours a week watching. Their nannies take them to the park, museums, botanical garden and on Tuesdays they go to a nursing home and play with the elderly. I am so proud of their dads and of them. I just wished I lived closer but I'm glad their is Skype.

Okay enough of my complaining and sad news. I'll try and update you all soon.